My Food Bag founder: A stillborn, a miscarriage, then a baby

When you've lost several babies and you are pregnant again, it takes up your entire energy, says Cecilia Robinson. Photo / Doug Sherring

As told to Paul Little.

A lot of the things that James (my husband and co-CEO) and I had been working toward for a really long time came together in 2016. From the start of the year to the end it was really intense.

We started the year with My Food Bag out-performing on every metric, giving us a chance to think about our values and vision. I believe companies have to be financially sustainable in order to give back.

We started our year by saying to our team, "We want to support you and help you with your goals." We did that by providing one of the best parental leave schemes in New Zealand. Having our own 3½-year-old son, Thomas, it meant a lot to us to be able to deliver on something that important. Two years on we have welcomed more than 20 babies on this scheme.

But we also had a massive personal struggle over the whole period. To put it in perspective: out of the first 150 weeks of My Food Bag, I was pregnant for almost 80 of them. Our first daughter was stillborn and we lost our second at 16 weeks. But I gave birth to our daughter Leila at the end of May and that was truly life-changing. Finally, our family was complete. At the same time, we were going through a massive transaction inside My Food Bag, which resulted in a partial sale. The bids for our company were due four weeks after I gave birth.

When you've lost several babies and you are pregnant again, it takes up your entire energy and is all you think about: how many times has the baby kicked in the last hour? Is she okay? You're sitting in very serious meetings talking about the future of your business and your plans, but really worrying about your baby's survival.

I had to take drugs during the pregnancy and stab myself with a syringe of Clexane, a blood-thinner, every day. Three times during the pregnancy we left the house and I was so upset and tense I closed the gate on the car. I dented the Audi quite a bit doing that.

We were managed through the high-risk maternity unit at Auckland Hospital and had to go in every week for a scan. Every week we had to look at the screen to see if the baby was alive.

The two daughters we lost before Leila we lost exactly a year apart — June 26, 2014 and June 27, 2015. And Leila was also due in June. I said to the obstetrician: "I can't have a June baby. I just can't deal with that." So Leila, who was going to be a C-section anyway, ended up being booked in for May 30.

But James and I had set this goal for ourselves, achieved it, and it had a gigantic financial up-side for us and other people. Once the transaction was complete, we shared $1 million among our team. It was amazing to be able to make our team's dreams come true alongside ours. We did it. I liken it to running a big race and finally winning the gold medal.

We had a really good Christmas that year. We were finally able to take a deep breath and relax. It was magical.