My best friend dumped me after I discovered her husband's affair

Should you tell your friend if their partner is cheating? It doesn't always end well. Photo / Getty Images

I met Nicola* and Mike* at Bristol University freshers' week 30 years ago, and we became so tight that when they got married, Mike joked that I should be his best man as well as Nicola's bridesmaid.

Six months after I'd married at 28, my husband was killed in a motorcycle accident. I was wiped out by grief, so Mike sorted my finances while Nicola made me eat and sat up with me on sleepless nights. A few years later, I met and married Ben* and had two children. We went on joint family holidays with Nicola, Mike and their three kids.

But everything changed one day last year, when I was at a conference in a country hotel. During the coffee break, I glanced out of the window and noticed Mike on the golf course. I was about to knock when a small, red-haired woman beside him put her arm around him – and I was stunned as he squeezed her bottom.

For the rest of the day I couldn't concentrate and later went to find him. A noticeboard in the lobby listed the names and room numbers of everyone at the golf event. Mike wasn't on it, but I recognised the name of a woman from my local residents' association and realised she was the redhead.

I tried to rationalise things, but the more I thought about it, the angrier I got. After dinner (and two glasses of wine), I knocked on her door. She answered and I saw Mike on the bed in his boxer shorts. Furious, I pushed past her and shouted at him that if he didn't finish it, I'd tell Nicola. 'It's nothing to do with you,' he said, grabbing my arm and walking me out of the room.

I phoned Ben, who was shocked, but told me it wasn't our business. I argued that Nicola deserved to know.

I avoided Nicola and Mike for a few weeks, but then we all went to a friend's party and I cornered him. He wouldn't listen and brusquely repeated that it was none of my business. When Nicola came over, the conversation was cut short.

I knew I had to tell her, so arranged to meet for a coffee the next day. I lay awake all night worrying about how to break it to her, but as soon as we sat down I blurted it out. She looked close to tears and quietly admitted she had suspected as he was spending a lot of time away.

At first Nicola seemed sad, but became appalled and angry with me when I explained I'd burst in on Mike at the hotel. I retaliated, asking where her pride was, and she said she didn't want to split up. I told her Mike had let everyone down and she simply stood up and walked out. That was the last time we spoke.

Four months on, I miss her terribly, and Mike too. I texted them both to apologise for interfering but neither replied, and Nicola hung up when I phoned. Now, when I see her around, she just nods. Ben thinks things will blow over, but I'm not convinced. It's as though Nicola is punishing me instead of Mike, and I'm devastated. But I don't regret telling her. She deserved to know and if I had my time again, I'd do the same.

*Names have been changed throughout