Roanne Hautapu (right) is telling her daughter's story of childhood cancer in a new book titled A Duck-Shaped Octopus. Photos / Atuanui Press, Quinn Hautapu
Roanne Hautapu (right) is telling her daughter's story of childhood cancer in a new book titled A Duck-Shaped Octopus. Photos / Atuanui Press, Quinn Hautapu
As she wrote, mum of two Roanne Hautapu was “transported back” to the hospital wards where her daughter spent so much time over the past decade.
“I experienced the physical sensations again, smells, noises . . . it was excruciatingly painful at times, yet healing. It was also a good opportunity to reflect on the happy times and memories,” she tells the NZ Herald.
Hautapu says the book was an “accident” that came about after years of documenting her daughter’s journey on the Facebook page Quinn’s Quest.
“I started to collate the public Quinn’s Quest Facebook posts with the ones on my personal account, as a record for Quinn.
“It stirred up a lot of memories and unprocessed experiences, so I started jotting them down, often in the middle of the night, and gradually expanded on them. One day I wondered if it allcouldbe a book, and ‘The Book’ became a bit of a family joke.
“It got to the stage that I had to write it.”
It took her about five years to write, and then “probably just as long to get it published”, she says. “I had lots of rejections and then I’d sort of put it on the back burner and go, ‘okay, let’s try again’.”
However, when publisher Brett Cross of Waikato-based Atuanui Press read it, “he just got it immediately”, she says.
And while the writing process had been “cathartic”, Hautapu says, “After I got the contract to have it published, I think I found it harder then reading it again as a complete book. But I think it has been very healing.”
She and her daughter have “a similar sense of humour”, she notes, while husband Jamie copes differently. “I don’t know if he’ll ever be able to read the book.
“I guess we have always had a lot of crazy laughter in our household, but if we didn’t laugh, didn’t try to find the humour, we would have cried.”
Cross came up with the title, inspired by the CT scan image of Quinn’s initial brain haemorrhage, which looked like a rubber duck and later morphed to look like an octopus.
While the parents and families of other young Kiwis undergoing cancer treatment may be able to relate to the book, Hautapu says it’s “not a 101 guide to child cancer, as everyone’s experience will be unique.
Manawatū mum of two Roanne Hautapu has written a new book about her daughter Quinn's journey through cancer. Photo / Quinn Hautapu
“I don’t know if it’s actually a good book for parents who do have a child going through cancer at the moment. I think it’d be good for their support people and maybe when they’re through the other end, but I don’t think while they’re doing it, because it is so raw,” she shares.
Quinn herself, now 18, says it feels “surreal” to see the book come to life.
“I found it intriguing reading things from her perspective,” she says of her mum.
“Although we lived the same moments, we had different things going on in our heads — I mean, I had a brain tumour, for starters. And although some very TMI moments are included, it’s raw and real.”
While she’s now been in remission from cancer for several years, she still lives with the after-effects — she regularly uses a wheelchair and recently had tendons cut and pins inserted into one of her feet affected by the stroke.
“I think in general people tend to presume that once someone finishes their cancer treatment, life goes back to normal,” Quinn says.
“And although it does for some, for many it does not. We have to deal with ‘scanxiety’, survivor’s guilt, fertility complications, uncertainty about future and more, as well as constant tests, procedures, and appointments. It never really seems to end.”
While Quinn is still thinking about what’s next for her, her passions include videography — she creates and shares videos on her YouTube channel — and graphic design. “Once I got sick I realised that maybe my dream jobs weren’t as possible as they once were and I shortly found a love for this stuff,” she says.
Child Cancer Foundation ambassador Quinn Hautapu visiting the set of Shortland St in 2014. Photo / Matt Klitscher / South Pacific Pictures
Quinn designed the book’s cover herself, including images of a duck and octopus to reflect the title, and the colour yellow to represent childhood cancer. “I wanted the cover to pop and make you want to look at it.”
The photo of Quinn on the cover was taken on her eighth birthday. “No one knew if I’d make it to see the day, and it was also right at the end of finishing treatment,” she says.
Hautapu says of her daughter, “She’s skipped her childhood in a lot of ways. She’s definitely got a maturity about her because of what she’s been through.”
Through the book, she wants to highlight the support services that have helped Quinn and the family along the way.
“Here in the Manawatū, I think we’ve got something very unique with our DHB - there’s free oncology psychology counselling through the Massey University Clinic. And that’s just been incredible, and we’re so lucky in our region because it is unique.
“Counselling during or after [cancer treatment] is something that’s really, really important.”
She also hopes to give “a glimpse to the people supporting a child with cancer — family, medical professionals, allied health staff, organisations, the general public — of the harshness and the hope.
“I also hope it puts a spotlight on Ronald McDonald House Charities — the amazing work that they do to support so many families across New Zealand.
“We’re having a little official launch there and it just makes me so happy because so much of the book is written there. To be able to have a launch there is just like this full circle moment.”
Ronald McDonald House chief executive Wayne Howett says the Hautapus were among the first families he got to know through his role at the charity.
“Quinn and her brother would often pop into my office to give me ‘pop quizzes’, so seeing their story come to life here in this House where the journey began is a reflection of the connection that our team make in supporting families,” he tells the NZ Herald.
It’s because of families like Quinn’s that he and his staff do what they do every day, he says.
“We feel incredibly honoured to play a small role in the launch of Ro’s book A Duck-Shaped Octopus. It’s an enormous privilege to have offered a source of comfort and support throughout their year-long journey with Quinn’s cancer diagnosis.”
Ronald McDonald House provides support, meals and free accommodation nearby hospitals to Kiwi families who need to travel for their children’s medical treatment. The charity relies on donations, and Howett says the demand for its services is increasing. You can donate to support Ronald McDonald House here.
