"Growing up I have memories of my mum having food kept hidden away in her walk-in robe — she had diet biscuits — packets and packets of them.
"I was very smart as a kid, and from grade 5 my mum would get off the tram and I would go the rest of the way to school, but some days I would get off and walk home, stopping at the shops to buy chips.
"Then I would go home and eat her biscuits — I would open a packet, eat half and swap the packet around so she thought it was full.
"I was only 10 but I covered all my bases, and I took that ability into my grown up life."
She remembered getting her driver's license — so she could have junk food whenever she wanted.
"I remember the thing I was most excited about was going to McDonald's by myself," Ms Stokes said.
At 19, she moved out of home with a friend and for 10 months they ate whatever they wanted, during which time she put on six kilos.
"Then I had to move back home and I made a decision to lose the weight. I had a stepper next to the mirror and I got really fit.
"I had been dieting quite strictly but one night I went to McDonald's and ate a whole lot of stuff — a couple of burgers and chips and I felt terrible, like I had just ruined everything.
"I don't know why, but I went inside the house and I decided to get rid of it.
"And it worked."
She was 22 when her battle with bulimia started. She would binge on food and purge to keep weight off. Some days she vomited seven times until her throat was raw and burning.
"I had found a way to have my cake and eat it too," she said.
"I blocked a lot of it out — like it existed separate to me.
"I used to think of myself as a high-functioning addict — I could still keep a job and have relationships, and yet have this thing that no one knew about.
"I would have a whole iced cake or chocolates or biscuits — but whatever it was, I would just plough through it.
"It was a mindless activity.
"I loved the taste of what I was eating and I had my ways to make it come out the other end."
At the age of 27, she sat down and told her now-husband Simon that she had an eating disorder.
"He just didn't get it — he saw it as a choice and he didn't understand why I would make that choice, so I realised I couldn't talk to him," Ms Stokes said.
"I was seeing a psychologist who didn't help me, so I told Simon I was fixed and I knew I could never talk to him about it again."
It went on for years, and got worse during each of her three pregnancies.
"There were nights when Simon was out training and the kids would go to bed, so I would have whatever I wanted and purge six or seven times," she said.
"My throat would be raw and I would say that is it — but I would get hungry again and that would be it.
"The worst times were when I was pregnant.
"I justified it because people have that condition where they are sick all the time."
She maintained a 'normal' weight, so the former teacher and mum of Josh, 9, Lily, 7, and Charlie, 4, never looked like someone with an eating disorder.
"I was able to maintain my secret by being incredibly organised with it," Ms Stokes said.
"At night I would make sure after dinner that all of the kids had their fruit and snack in a bowl and were set up in front of the TV before I went upstairs to purge.
"I made sure that everyone had everything they needed to buy myself the alone time.
"I was always 10 steps ahead of everyone else.
"I planned my moves, watching and waiting for when I could safely go and do my thing.
"I became an expert at doing it quietly, drinking enough water to make it easy.
"For me, it was a means to an end.
"I knew I had a problem but it didn't feel like a mental issue, it just helped me not get fat."
A few years ago, Ms Stokes started a low-carb, high fat diet — one that helped lose her desire to binge.
"That really quieted my mind," she said.
"But then I noticed that Lily was refusing to eat pasta because I wasn't — and
she was picking the toppings off her pizza because I was — and I thought how can I teach her to have a normal relationship with food if I don't?
"It was a light bulb moment."
Ms Stokes sat down with her husband and told him she had a problem that was affecting their daughters — and she needed help.
"He didn't really say anything, he just nodded when I said I needed support, and was beautiful — I felt safe and that he was proud of me," she said.
"That was a Wednesday night — by the Friday I was sitting with my GP telling him I'd had a 20-year eating disorder."
Ms Stokes then saw an eating disorder psychologist for two weeks before a family holiday to Vietnam — but she was feeling strong.
"Holidays have always been hard because there is the breakfast buffet and that is always food en masse — and I found ways to throw up five times a day," she said.
"We would go upstairs after breakfast, get the kids sunscreened and ready for the pool. I would say I was going to stay because I had a tummy ache, and after lunch I would do the same thing."
She came back from holidays defeated, and used a book to learn about the mental issue that prompted her eating disorder.
"The book's method provided me with new understandings, and used collaboratively with therapy, I found my way out of the darkness," Ms Stokes said.
"It took me to another place and I never looked back.
"I know I can never diet again — just like an alcoholic can't drink again."
Learning that children mirror their parent's behaviours, Ms Stokes has started Mirror Movement to empower mothers to become positive mirror models for their daughters in a bid to break the cycle and help the next generation embrace their bodies and have healthy relationships with food.
She has written a book which she will self-publish in August.
"Our kids mirror what we do — we need to look within first if women want to help their daughters," Ms Stokes said.
"Kids notice if you don't eat bread or cake — I want to help mothers overcome their issues and teach them that we have to leave those issues behind."
If you or someone you know needs support for an eating disorder, contact the Butterfly Foundation, or see Amanda's Mirror Movement program.
