"What I witnessed for the next hour was my son bullying what seems to be his girlfriend to send him pics of herself. I felt sick. I froze. I didn't know what to do." Photo / Getty Images
"What I witnessed for the next hour was my son bullying what seems to be his girlfriend to send him pics of herself. I felt sick. I froze. I didn't know what to do." Photo / Getty Images
A mother has revealed how she discovered her 14-year-old son had "bullied" his underage girlfriend into sending him nude photos on Instagram - but didn't want to report him as he has a "good school report".
Writing under the handle "simplypinky" on parenting site Mumsnet, the woman said she had access to her son's account and read his interaction with the girl as he seemed to persist that she send him pictures to "prove she loved him".
The mother asked other users on the site for advice as she explained she felt sick as her son used persuasive phrases to get the girl to do as he wanted although "it was obvious she really didn't want to".
She took a screenshot of her son's conversation and confiscated his phone but revealed she hadn't spoken to her son about the incident and was unsure what to do as she doesn't want him to get a criminal record.
The law sees "sexting" (the sending, receiving or forwarding sexually explicit messages, photographs or images), as a crime if it took place between minors.
Asking for advice, the woman wrote on Mumsnet: "I'm stunned. Has he done this before? How do I handle this? I'm worried for the girl to. Help!"
She wrote: "Tonight I check in, I'm surprised to see he's text chatting on instagram at 11pm as the rule is not to have his phone in his room.
What I witnessed for the next hour was my son bullying what seems to be his girlfriend to send him pics of herself. I felt sick. I froze. I didn't know what to do.
"I never imagined him pressuring someone to do such a thing. It was obvious she really didn't want to.
"He used lines like 'you would if you loved me' and 'I just want to go to bed happy' and 'you want to make me happy?' and 'it's ok because we are together' and 'don't you trust me?' I felt for her."
A flood of Mumsnet users slammed the woman for not intervening straight away when she noticed the conversation had moved past a joke.
One person wrote: "I don't understand why you didn't barge into his room WHILST he was bullying an underage girl to send him photos. Why didn't you intervene before she humiliated herself and before he potentially came into possession of illegal photos given she's a child sending potentially nude photos!!"
Another said: "So you sat and watched him bully someone for an hour just so you would have evidence to talk to him about it??? I've never heard anything so dreadful, you should have intervened as soon as it started to avoid that poor girl being bullied and sexually harassed by your abusive son.
"I hope that poor girl has the sense to talk to her parents and that they get the police involved for more than just a 'talking to'. Your son has committed a crime."
Fearful of tarnishing his record
The distraught mother said her son's behaviour was entirely unexpected and they seemed to have good communication with each other usually. Photo / Getty Images
The mother revealed she was fearful of reporting her son as it could potentially impact his schooling and give him a criminal record.
She wrote: "I'm so torn. He has such a good record at school. I don't want to ruin it. I want to get the school and police involved but I'm worried he will be stuck with this on his record. Living with autism can make things very difficult.
"But I do understand how this poor girl might be feeling. I just don't know. There have been no more messages. I think if she was worried she might of said more but I don't know."
She continued to reveal her son's behaviour was entirely unexpected although they seemed to have good communication with each other usually.
"I really thought we had a good understand, we talk openly about all sorts of things, I've always discussed the implications of social media.
"I did not know he had a girlfriend. He doesn't go anywhere other than school. This is in no way an excuse but he does have autism and ADHD which can make him act impulsively. His medication will of run out hours ago. I wonder if this is a contributing factor.
"Maybe he's just a teenage boy being just that? Is this what everyone is doing now??? I'm so disturbed by the pressure he used, it doesn't seem right that a 14 year old boy can do this."
Many Mumsnet users urged the woman to speak to the police and declared if the situation was the other way around, she would want the person who pressured her daughter in to sending photos to be punished.
A user writing under the handle "Purpleneonpinkunicorns" claimed the woman's son may behave worse as he ages if he goes unpunished.
She said: "You say of this was the other way round you would call the police, why can't you call the police on your son? for them to speak to him as what he is doing is very wrong and that poor girl, at least if he speaks to the police now things might not escalate with him doing it to other girls as he gets older.
"If I had a son I would be dragging him down to the station for a talking to as it's harassment, and I bet that poor girl is now embarrassed and feeling so **** about being pressured to send the pic."
Others advised the mother to contact the girl directly to reassure her that the photo had been erased and that her son's behaviour wouldn't go unpunished.
One wrote: "Boys in my school a decade ago would do this, then show everyone at school the pictures and the attitude was (and this is so wrong) that she was a slutty idiot for sending them and had no expectation of privacy (I didn't feel this way, this this is the attitude of teenage boys.) It's so awful but sadly normal.
"I would be asking about what his friends are doing online, he could be being egged on by other boys. I also think you need to find a way to reassure the girl involved that her picture no longer exists."
Another said: "You have your work cut out for you - your DS needs to understand how **** he was, and why he must never do that or anything like that ever again. No more phone for him for starts.
"'He could have brick jobbie that does calls and texts if he really needs one. And YY to calling the police. Don't try to shield him from the consequences of this atrocious behaviour.
"You should also contact his school, tell the safeguarding office what he has done, and ask if the school does any teaching on this subject. I would contact the girl and reassure her. And make your son grovel to her and apologise."
