More women are sharing their homes as they grow older

Sue Ronnenkamp (left) and her flatmate Sue Larsen spend time together before going to a neighbour’s house for dinner in Denver, Colorado. Photo / Paola Chapdelaine, Washington Post

An unpredictable economy and loneliness are two of the factors influencing the growing trend.

Sue Ronnenkamp knew better than most how she wanted to live out her golden years.

Having worked with seniors as an educator and adviser, Ronnenkamp, 67, knew she wanted affordable rent, fewer possessions and companionship. She also wanted a setup that would accommodate the challenges of ageing, including health issues.

After she moved from Philadelphia to Denver, a city where she’d always aspired to live, she began to look for a flatmate.

As housing markets tighten and inflation spikes unpredictably, more older women are seeking shared housing options as Blanche, Rose, Dorothy and Sophia did on the hit television sitcom Golden Girls. These living arrangements often begin by financial necessity. A rising number of seniors are “cost-burdened” when it comes to housing, according to a 2023 study by Harvard’s Joint Centre for Housing Studies. About 11 million older adult households in the US spend at least 30% of their income on housing and utilities, up from 8.8 million in 2011. Older women feel this economic stress more keenly, because they have less saved for retirement than men.

The “significant housing shortage” and rising cost of groceries, health care and insurance have made it harder for many older Americans to afford their monthly expenses said Jenn Jones, vice-president of financial security and livable communities at AARP (formerly the American Association of Retired Persons). “Home sharing is a way for older adults to maintain their independence,” Jones said.

Compatibility and safety are two main concerns

For Ronnenkamp, keeping costs in check was part of the appeal of living with a flatmate after decades in her own space but so was the idea of coming home to someone each night who could help her if she needed it. “Being single, I knew I had to set myself up with more built-in support, like couples do,” she said.

To begin the process, Ronnenkamp scrolled through profiles listed by home-sharing services that specialised in senior men and women around Denver. She had a checklist of things she wanted in a flatmate but she knew she couldn’t be too picky. In the early days of the pandemic, most people were reluctant to add someone to their social circle. “And then this one opening showed up, a retired teacher six years older than me,” Ronnenkamp said. They met in person, and Ronnenkamp agreed to move in on the spot. They’ve been together ever since, even if there are occasional hiccups. Ronnenkamp’s housemate is a middle-of-the-night baker, and Ronnenkamp’s room is just above the kitchen. “I told her, ‘I cannot sleep with you making chocolate-chip cookies’,” she said.

Mostly, though they’ve lived together harmoniously, eating dinner together a few nights a month. Ronnenkamp spends some Saturday mornings with her housemate’s 3-year-old grandson and joins her extended family for Thanksgiving each year.

“It’s nice to wake up and hear someone say ‘good morning’ and ‘have a good day,’ ” she said. “If you’re not working, [and] without that daily connecting with kids or work or a family, people can go days without that connection.”

Shawlan James, who helps connect older women with young flatmates between 18 and 24 in her Baltimore Catholic congregation, said that many people who participate in the service become friends. “If we’re doing our job right, we’re creating small families,” James said.

Over the years, Brenda Braxton (right) has recruited friends to move into her building in New York City. Photo / Paola Chapdelaine, Washington Post

Creating community over many years

Other women have created different intentional living situations that scratch the community itch. Brenda Braxton, 68, first moved into her Harlem apartment in 1987 after a friend called her while she was working in Rome to tell her about an opening in the apartment building. Braxton, an actress who has starred in several Broadway shows, bought it sight unseen and even handled the closing while she was still in Europe.

When Braxton returned to the US, she was delighted by the apartment and the building, which has a doorman and beautiful views of Harlem. Over the years, she has recruited friends to move into other units, creating a “kind of theatre community building”, she said. She even moved her mother into a one-bedroom unit a few years ago so she could help support her as she ages.

Though Braxton left the building when she got married, she returned after a divorce and said she can’t imagine leaving again. “Blood isn’t always the only family you have,” she said. “I would do anything for the people here.”

Braxton said the neighbours live in close quarters and support each other. When Braxton goes away, a friend checks on her cat. When her mother went missing for a day, everyone pulled together to track her down. Each December, the building hosts a progressive dinner party, moving from apartment to apartment for drinks and different courses. “In this crazy-ass world,” she said, “knowing that I have this community is everything.”

Brenda Braxton (right) a Broadway actress, rides the elevator with her mother, Lillian, in their Harlem apartment building. Photo / Paola Chapdelaine, Washington Post

New organisations support the growing demand for shared housing

Companies that help connect flatmates say older adults are increasingly turning to these kinds of living arrangements. The number of people aged over 55 looking for flatmates or spare rooms on SpareRoom.com, which hosts profiles for renters in 23 US cities, has nearly doubled over the past five years, according to director of communications Matt Hutchinson.

As interest has grown, more organisations are helping people make connections. Sunshine Home Share Colorado, for example, connects homeowners with tenants who offer services like lawn care, cooking and housekeeping in exchange for a slightly lower rent. Applicants are vetted through background checks and an extensive interview process.

“We spend a lot of time asking people about their communication,” said Alison L. Joucovsky, the executive director of Sunshine Home Share Colorado. “How do you communicate when you get upset?”

After a meet-and-greet, the homeowner and renter are both free to turn down a match. Even if they’re feeling good about the set-up, many services require a trial run where the tenant comes to stay before giving up his or her other housing.

That’s what drew Florence Phillips of Denver, to look for a flatmate. Phillips, who describes her age as “over 55”, lived happily alone for most of her life until she had a medical emergency at home. A friend took care of her cat while she was in hospital but when she had a similar incident six months later, she realised she had a choice: She could start looking at a continuing care community, or she could recruit a flatmate to share her four-bedroom house.

Initially, the idea of finding and vetting a stranger seemed daunting. Then she found Sunshine Home Share, which conducted its own reference and criminal background checks. She met a few people who weren’t a good fit (including a woman who’d come to live with her for two weeks before both decided this wasn’t quite right though they remain friendly and still happily hike together) before the agency matched her with a now 32-year-old graduate student who moved to the US from Malawi. They had little in common but their friendship began immediately.

“We’re incredibly open and talk about very personal things,” Phillips said. “It’s like I now have a granddaughter living with me.”

The pair discovered a shared love of travel and a similar experience living abroad. Phillips said they eat dinner together a few times a week and travel up to the mountains on weekend trips together, even after her flatmate started dating.

“We were raised decades apart,” she said. “And yet there are so many similarities.”

“Blood isn’t always the only family you have,” Brenda Braxton, 68, said. “I would do anything for the people here.” Photo / Paola Chapdelaine, Washington Post