I'm so confused at how to greet people. A handshake, a hug, one kiss, or two? - Always Guessing Greetings, Auckland
The issue of where it is appropriate to touch others made the news at the end of October, when Oxford University published a "touchability index" which ranked body parts from "comfortable" to "not appropriate"; determined by relationship to the person doing the touching.
The index produced varied results from both males and females, but it based on British research and needs a little altering for a New Zealand audience.
Though Maori and Pacific cultures are warmer and present an exception, historically New Zealanders have never been too fond of greeting each other with open arms. Even amongst friends, a handshake might've been all you received, if that - some Kiwis even prefer a simple shy wave with their hello.
This has changed somewhat in recent years, but there's more we can do to loosen up in our culture's typical mode of embrace.
When meeting somebody for the first time, though, social etiquette dictates never more than a handshake. Whether you're male or female, with friends or colleagues, it is uniformly the only sure-fire acceptable greeting.
With acquaintances, workmates or clients, it's safe to stick to hand-to-hand greetings only, with the exception of longstanding, friendly working relationships. In some of these situations (it's unique to the individuals) a kiss on the cheek can be welcomed by both parties. This may also be appropriate when seeing former colleagues who you no have regular contact with, but had a great working relationship.
As for friends, Kiwis are slowly cottoning on to a more European style of greeting and this should be encouraged, though we don't need to go overboard. You'll have a hard time finding people in New Zealand who are keen on the double-cheek kiss, unless they actually are continental Europeans¬.
When at home, there's no reason for males not to hug their mates (it can be a big, manly bear hug!) when they see each other. Likewise, when male friends greet female friends, or females greet other females, a kiss on the cheek isn't something we should shy away from.
Just ensure such a kiss is not unexpected - don't go in for a hug and sneak a kiss in; it might startle the recipient. Instead, move towards them with your cheek turned, and ensure they too are leaning in with an identical gesture.
If you're unsure, or the body language is unclear, stick with the hug. Keep your hips away from theirs, don't squeeze them at all, and don't hold on for more than one or two seconds.
Don't fret about it too much if you sense a bit of awkwardness. Some people don't like to be touched, no matter their relationship with you. Just remember for next time and don't repeat the same greeting.
I'm already getting invites to Christmas parties. How many do I have to go to? - Selective this Season, Wellington.
It's the festive season. Photo / iStock
As late November rolls in the Silly Season officially begins, but you needn't be silly for a whole month. Definitely go to your office Christmas party, even if just for the first part when people remember what's going on. Only go to your spouse's Christmas party if you really want to - getting festive with others' colleagues shouldn't be forced onto anyone.
As for the Christmas dos of clients or other work-related events, take these on a case-by-case basis. Do you really want to do a full day of bowls with the team who services your copy machines? If a casual cocktail at your accountant's office is more your bag, do that one instead.
Or do both, or neither. Some people revel in getting sloshed every Tuesday-Friday night through December, but if you're a no-show, nobody really notices (after all, they're drunk and distracted by red hats and tinsel).
My girlfriend and I plan on moving in together. She has a cat. I hate cats. Can I persuade her to leave it behind? - No Friend of Felines, Auckland.
Unless you're allergic, you're going to have to make a furry new friend.. Photo / iStock
Leave Mr. Whiskers where, exactly? Squatting in your girlfriend's old flat?
If you're making the decision to move in together, you're making the decision to accept another person with all their benefits and flaws. You might not like her cat, but do you think she really likes that you come with your rugby memorabilia collection/fart smell/beer pong obsession? Probably not.
Unless you're allergic, you're going to have to make a furry new friend. Re-homing grown cats is almost impossible, and pets can be like children for many people. Believe me, it will go down very badly if your condition for cohabitation is leaving her "child" behind.
