Everyone likes receiving a thank you card.
Photo / 123RF
Everyone likes receiving a thank you card.
Photo / 123RF
Opinion
What is the deal with thank you cards? If I thank the giver in person then do I still have to send a card? Does it depend on the price of the gift? Or the occasion? - Pondering Politeness, Wellington.
I adore thank you cards, and not just as gratitude for gifts. In the last few years, I've been made well aware that hosting a group of people for dinner at your house can be just as expensive as taking that entire group out to a restaurant and picking up the whole bill yourself.
So, when I'm hosted at someone else's house, I always send a thank you card. Everybody love receiving them, and often you'll even get a "thank you for the thank you" text, because such a form of gratefulness is so rare nowadays (however, be sure you don't get into a "thank you for thanking me for thanking you" loop).
I would nearly always advocate sending a thank you card for a gift, no matter the price of it, or the occasion. However, the do-you-or-don't you thank you card decision also rests on the gift's mode of delivery. If the gift arrives in the mail, absolutely send a card - not an e-mail, a real, paper card that costs at least $1 apiece and is no bigger than the size of your palm. Whitcoulls sells very basic ones, but at boutique stationary stores (and online) you can find beautiful, embossed thank you cards.
If you are given a gift in person, you'll obviously thank them immediately and thus, a thank you card would be a superfluous second act of appreciation (which makes you look a bit wet). It's unnecessary, as a genuine hug and a kiss is more thankful than any piece of paper can ever be.
Sometimes at a service station, especially in smaller places, an attendant will come and fill your car for you. I always find this a bit awkward. Do you politely refuse and do it yourself if you're keen? If you do accept, do you carry on standing there and making awkward light small talk? Is it impolite to go back to your car, and do they expect a tip? - Petrol Pester, Auckland.
Do you like to pump your own gas?
Photo / 123RF
I feel your awkwardness. New Zealanders are good at doing things for ourselves, by ourselves, and the concept of being actively waited on (unless at a restaurant) is a bit Downton Abbey for many of us. There is no bad etiquette in politely saying to a service station attendant, "It's okay, I've got it!". He or she is not going the wrestle the pump out of your hands.
If you do accept, you don't have to make small talk if you don't want to; nor do attendants expect you to. Don't get back inside your car, though. That's like being in your house when the cleaner is there. Instead, simply go inside the station and browse the magazine aisle, or peruse the latest chip selection, then go up to the counter when you see your pump re-hung.
However, if you don't mind the small talk, go right ahead. These attendants are standing out there alone for hours on end - they could use a chat. And no, don't tip them. I once tried to tip an attendant at a Z station (I did also ask him to check my oil and water), and he refused. I suppose that means attendants feel they're already appropriated remunerated, or they're contractually not allowed to take tips.
I often sit in cafes and work on my laptop. How many coffees do I have to buy to stay there? - Caffeine Courtesy, Christchurch.
How long can you work from a cafe?
Photo / 123RF
The etiquette to avoid overstaying your welcome at cafés lies on two things: the busyness of the café, and if you're using free in-house WiFi or not.
If the café is quiet, you're not putting anybody out by staying a couple of hours, and buying just the one coffee - especially if you are nice and smiley with bored baristas. If it's a heaving café (though these aren't really conducive to productivity), staff may be a little grumpy at you if you stay longer than 45 minutes, unless you're continually ordering coffee. At a push, buy one beverage (it needn't be coffee) every hour.
When I'm working in cafés (I usually choose those with a mild-but-not-hectic buzz), I no longer bother to ask for the WiFi password. My phone's WiFi hotspot is faster and less hassle. Therefore, I think I have a little leeway on the one-bevvy-per-hour imperative (if you're using free internet, though, do stick to this rule). In kind, I ensure to return to the café regularly for brunch, bring friends, and make a solid contribution to paying for the square footage, power, and heating I so enjoy on other days.
