Modern etiquette: What are the rules at a concert?

In you're in the GA section of a concert just about anything goes. Photo / 123RF

Opinion

During a recent concert at The Civic, people continued to text, take photos, and stand up in front of other seated people, even though an announcement had been made not to. Someone even smoked while they were seated. What is the etiquette of concert attendance? - Concerned Concert-goer, Massey

If you're in the GA section on the floor at a live music performance, whether it's a hip-hop gig or an old crooner's concert, it's every man and woman for themselves. You can expect to be blocked from stage view by tall guys with their girlfriends on their shoulders; you'll be elbowed out of the way by 14-year-olds; and you'll likely have to deal with marijuana smoke coming from at least one corner of the crowd. That's the price you pay for the opportunity to be metres away from Beyoncé.

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When you're in the seated section, however, it's a whole different ball game. Civility is not just expected - it is required. Every single seated concert-goer has paid a premium to get a certain pre-chosen view of the stage, and that expectation must be respected by others. Even if allowed, using your phone to take photos or record video at a concert is always a blurry waste of time: nothing is as good as being there, and you're robbing yourself of that experience by trying to make evidence to prove your attendance to others. But, if someone is using their phone and it's annoying you, you'll have little success asking them to put it away so you'll just have to let it go.

Smoking, on the other hand, is illegal at all indoor concerts, and you shouldn't have to put up with it. When it happens in GA, you can at least move. When you're seated, you don't have that luxury. If someone lights up, catch the attention of security - they're normally hovering in the aisles - and point in the direction of the smoke source whilst making a cigarette-in-fingers hand signal. I wouldn't worry about the offender identifying you as the nark, either. If they're in the seated section, they're definitely not up for a fight.

The new girl at the office is taking my friendly hospitality too far and wants to be best friends outside of work. How do I tell her I just want to be colleagues, without making her feel rejected? - Hating my Hospitality, Wellington.

I don't want to be friends with my new, needy colleague. Photo / 123RF

You're going to have to keep all communication on work time, and decline every invitation tactfully whilst offering an alternative you can stomach. Whenever she asks you out for drinks, or to the movies at the weekend, be very polite say "I'm afraid that won't work for me" and before she can get a word in, continue with, "But can we grab coffee on Friday morning?". You're being unethical if you lie about your busyness with faux-plans, and you'll get caught out eventually when she sees you drinking wine on the waterfront on the Tuesday evening you were supposed to be at your "yoga class".

If your colleague persists with out-of-work invitations on other days, and things get uncomfortable, you have one option. It will sound a bit stuck-up, but it'll get your result, and, if you do it carefully, you won't offend her.

Tell your colleague you need to keep your personal and professional lives separate. Explain that you struggle to leave work at work, and it's nothing personal - you just like to compartmentalise your life and keep a healthy work-life balance. Will she understand? Maybe not. But she won't hate you for it, either. From then on, ensure to keep any off-the-clock fraternisation with any other colleagues to a minimum. At least until she finds someone more willing to latch on to.

My friend has assumed she is a bridesmaid and is really excited. How do I tell her she's not? Needing Bridal Bravery, Auckland

At least you can wear what you want to the wedding if you're not a bridesmaid. Photo / 123RF

You'd think this one would be obvious. If you're not explicitly asked to be a bridesmaid, you're not a bridesmaid, right? Well, some people think they're "owed" bridesmaid duties. When you have one of these people in your life, you're going to have to give them something, else you risk killing the friendship altogether.

Sit your friend down for a drink and say you'd like her to sing, read a poem, or do something else at your wedding that will make her feel included. It could as simple as giving her gift reception responsibilities. Re-iterate that you want her involved in some way and you would really love her to offer up her vocal/creative/organisational talent, and your official bridesmaids are going to handle the "boring, stressful" stuff.

It's not a perfect solution, but you're not completely leaving her out and can't feel guilty. By the time your big day arrives, she'll probably be relieved she gets to appear an important part of your life without having to wear lilac.