Modern etiquette: I have Tinder on my phone, but I'm not using it to cheat

According to a GlobalWebIndex study, 42 per cent of Tinder users are married or in relationships. Photo / Michael Cunningham

My girlfriend saw that I have Tinder on my phone. I told her that I never deleted it from when I was single, but she thinks I'm still using it. How do I convince her I'm not? - Tinder Tales, Wellington.

While this could be as easy as "just delete Tinder from your phone", this may not put your girlfriend's worries at ease about how you've purportedly used the app up until now.

Moreover, deleting the app outright without discussing the situation with your girlfriend feels like you're being pushed into satisfying somebody's demands, which is why I assume you haven't deleted it and instead chose to pose your question to me.

Don't dismiss girlfriend's worries, though. According to a GlobalWebIndex study, 42 per cent of Tinder users are married or in relationships and use the app to try and have affairs, so whatever she's feeling is justified.

If you're genuinely not using the app for sex or dating purposes outside of your relationship, technically there should be no harm in keeping Tinder on your phone. But, you should talk to your girlfriend about why you still have it there.

What possible reason that could be, I'm unsure. One would hope you have a legitimate reason, like there are messages on there from Tinder connections that you want to keep, because the information is somehow of value to you.

Or, perhaps every now and again you need an ego boost and like to see who's into you, but would never take it further. Maybe you even just use it to meet new friends or ask people questions about the area you're in.

There is nothing wrong with any of those things; geo-locating apps have multiple uses. Communicate that with your girlfriend and put her at ease.

If you give her full disclosure and she still has worries, then it's a wider trust issue you have to deal with (and that likely leaks to other parts of your relationship, too).

Flag wars. Photo / Supplied

My friends and I all have very different views on the flag change debate. Some of our discussions have become heated. How do I ensure these arguments don't affect our actual friendship? - Flying the Friendly Flag, Auckland.

Whenever a political situation becomes an emotional issue that every engaged citizen has an opinion on, it's natural that divergent views will come to light amongst any group.

Something as emotional as whether or not it's right to change our national flag is also bound to teach you things about your friends that you never knew before. Some will emerge at patriots who love our history. Some will emerge as republicans. Some will emerge as disinterested but keen to antagonise because it's fun when others care so much.

Lively debate is healthy for friendships, as is taking in the opinions of others and valuing what they have to say, even when you disagree. Set an example and ensure you politely listen, ask questions, and wait until somebody has finished talking to voice your own thoughts.

It never hurts to (civilly) play devil's advocate amongst a group of friends in a debate, even when you're asking a question that counter's your own opinion. It'll firm up theories, make people question themselves, and lead to roundtables that are less full of blind passion and more dominated by rational and respectful arguments.

If you're having those, your friendships will remain intact, no matter where the debates go.

If your neighbour hasn't password-protected their network, ethically you're still in the wrong by using it. Photo / iStock

Is it okay to use my neighbour's open Wi-Fi network? - Broadband Bandit, Palmerston North

I'm amazed that - outside of public networks - there still are unprotected private home networks out there. In the mid-2000s they were common when Wi-Fi was new and people didn't know much better. Today it's rare to find a neighbourhood that isn't digitally locked down like a vault.

If your neighbour hasn't password-protected their network, ethically you're still in the wrong by using it. If they're so unsophisticated about internet technology as to not understand internet security, it's likely that they also have a very old broadband plan with a tiny data allowance. If you log on and stream just one film, they might reach their cap and be charged for additional usage.

Also be aware that using an open network comes with huge security risks for you and whatever device you're using.

Why don't you be a virtuous person and go over to your neighbour's house, and inform them their network is unprotected? If they don't know how to put in a password, you could be a great neighbour and show them how.

If they don't care and are happy with their open situation, leave them be. And maybe then you can use their Wi-Fi.