Modern etiquette: I hate my engagement ring. Can I tell my fiancé?

How do you get around the fact your fiance popped the question with a ring you don't like? Photo / 123RF

Opinion

I love my fiancé but I hate my engagement ring. Can I tell him? - Ring Wrangler, Auckland.

My, my, you must really love your man. He asks you to marry him with an ugly ring, and you still say yes? Bravo you.

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This is a tough one. The general etiquette rule when being given jewellery is, if you put it straight on as soon as you're given it, you are sending a clear message: "I love it!". If you don't put it on immediately and say something like, "Oh, it's lovely", you're being not-so-subtle inferring the item is about as "you" as turquoise dangly earrings. You obviously did the former, and your fiancé will be crushed - I repeat - crushed, if you tell him you hate the ring now. I'm not saying you shouldn't have said "yes" to the proposal because the ring was bad, however it would have been a lot easier to repeal an unworn ring (and get an alternative) with some careful communication with your hubby-to-be.

But, bygones are bygones, so here's what to do without coming off like a 'zilla. You can't tell him you hate the ring. You're going to have to wear it until the wedding. When you're choosing your wedding ring - something all couples should do together - find a diamond that looks fantastic when worn alone, but physically doesn't fit on the same finger with your existing ring. Fall in love with that ring, and ask your fiancé if he minds your engagement ring being melted down into something that meshes well - like a simple band. I know, you probably want two diamond rings, but you can't have all your multi-tiered wedding cake and eat it too. Soz.

Is it okay to ask people if I can "borrow" their passwords for online services like Sky on Demand and Netflix so I don't have to pay for my own subscriptions? - Potential Pirate, Christchurch

Is it okay to ask your pals for passwords? Photo / 123RF

Ethically, there are several ways to look at sharing online services. A virtuous person would just pay for their own accounts. That's all well and good, unless, of course, you can't obtain your own account for some reason - such as a US-only service like HBO. According to HBO president Richard Plepler himself, login sharing is not morally wrong - he believes it increases brand awareness and could potentially lead to loyal addicts to the company.

Legalities aside, I would argue the morality of it depends on the advertising revenue model of the online service. Sky's service SkyGO, for example, still features advertising. So while you're not paying for the service itself, you're still submitting yourself to the ads Sky is making money from. Netflix, conversely, features no advertising. If you "borrow" a login, you're not even consuming revenue-generating ads (unless you count product placement). Some services differ, like Spotify: it pays artists per play. Even if you're sharing an account, every song play makes the content-producer some money.

In terms of consequences, I believe any sharing is brand-building for the content-producer, and that is a good thing - otherwise you might not watch or listen to their product at all.

As for the etiquette around asking your friends: be subtle. Ask if you can borrow their login details to watch a specific sporting event or TV show you can't otherwise watch. Subsequently, re-ask at a later date if it's okay for you to keep logging in. If they're okay with a one-off but not with continual use, they'll just change their password. Then you must say nothing, and cough up for your own subscription.

My colleague and I are both up for a promotion but I think she's a stronger contender than me. However, I've heard her say she wants to move overseas with her boyfriend in a year. Can I slip this into conversation with my manager to get ahead? - Corporate Climber, Wellington

Would you dob a colleague in to get yourself the job? Photo / 123RF

Your allegiance is to your employer first, so bringing this information to their attention is technically in their best interest. They don't want to promote someone who is going to leave them in the lurch. However, your motivations put you in an unethical position.

You're considering this not because it's your duty, but for your own gain; and the consequences are in your favour. Also, don't assume your colleague doesn't have any dirt on you. Are you Facebook friends? All it could take is one drunken photograph of you, shared around the office as sly revenge, and your workmate will be sitting in her fancy new corner office with a #ByeFelicia smirk on her face. If you deserve the promotion, you'll get it. If you don't, work harder than your colleague until you do.