Modern etiquette: How should you park your car?

Decoding the rules of carpark parking. Photo / 123RF

What's the etiquette for parking your car in busy shopping centres? When is it appropriate to use your horn? - Pondering Parking, Takapuna

New Zealanders should all be very, very thankful that we have never adopted the international culture of horn-blaring when traffic is gridlocked. Visit a major American city and you'll see the noise pollution I'm talking about during rush hour. Using your horn is almost always bad etiquette. You really should only ever use it when danger is imminent, e.g. somebody is reversing out of a car park and about to hit you (then, lay it on loudly).

DO YOU HAVE A MODERN DAY DILEMMA OR STUCK IN AN ETHICAL BIND? SEND US AN EMAIL

Key to park etiquette is always to use your indicator for at least three seconds. Park in only designated spaces; no make-shift spots. Park accurately - no wheel should ever be touching a white line. If you have a small car, don't drive all the way in - it's infuriating to others to think they're scored the perfect parking spot, only to find there's a bloody Smart Car hiding in there.

If you are in a shopping centre, and don't block other parking seekers while you are waiting for someone to reverse out of a spot. If you see someone who is about to leave, but they're fussing around in their car, try and catch their eye and make the universal "are you leaving?" hand gesture. Give a smile or thumbs up if they nod, move on politely if they don't. In extremely busy situations, it is acceptable (if safe and you won't block others) to hover, roll down your window, and ask passers-by if they're leaving. You may then, if someone agrees, follow them to their park. As long as you don't give off a stalker vibe, of course.

If you're parallel parking and there are cars backed up behind your car, you must assess the free space - it needs to be big - and ensure you can reverse in one quick, fell swoop. Even if successful, you will undoubtedly anger other drivers if you do this at a busy time, so be prepared for the middle finger.

When does phoning somebody without warning become intrusive? - Courteous Caller, Wellington

Do you need to warn someone before phoning them? Photo / 123RF

Theoretically, all phones (well, mobiles) have caller ID now thus if someone doesn't want to receive a call, it's their choice not to pick up. But, often if a number is unknown we'll pick up anyway - even at inconvenient times - because we're afraid something bad has happened.

For some reason, outside of business-related calls, people have seemingly forgotten the reason for voicemail. When someone doesn't pick up, the etiquette is to leave a message, not hang up and call back later. That way, they can return your call when possible (or be informed ASAP without the need to phone you back).

Emergencies aside, phoning somebody is undoubtedly intrusive if there's a chance they could be nearing dinner- or bed-time. If in doubt, send a text first: "Hey, are you free to talk?" will suffice. Likewise, if it's a personal call during work hours, also send that text warning. Even your best friend might otherwise pick up hurriedly with only the greeting, "Who died?"

Is it bad etiquette for my kids to invite themselves over to their friends' houses?- Modest Mum, Castor Bay.

Kids like to invite their friends over to play, but is it rude to invite yourself? Photo / 123RF

At primary school, I remember asking the school office if I could use the phone to tell my mum I'd been invited to play at a friend's house that afternoon. Usually, that friend would never have asked their parent if I could come over - they just assumed it was okay (as 10-year-olds, we didn't have any concept of etiquette).

All kids should learn that with parental permission, one may invite another to one's home, but it is rude to ask to be hosted. Teach your kids about home ownership and privacy: ensure they understand boundaries, and what can burden adults. This will serve them very well later in life.

If you're not up for a bunch of kids rolling around your house on a particular afternoon, suggest an alternative like the park, or tell them to get on their bikes and meet somewhere in public view. I know it's a big, scary world out there, but there are some experiences - like exploring the neighbourhood away from parents - that no child should be robbed of. How else are they going to learn about self-responsibility if they don't get into a little bit of trouble?

Join the conversation and us your questions via the Herald Life Facebook page