Theoretically, you should never place your phone on the table, writes Lee Suckling.
Photo / 123RF
Theoretically, you should never place your phone on the table, writes Lee Suckling.
Photo / 123RF
What is the acceptable dinner etiquette around cellphone use these days? Is there such a thing? Is it okay to be on your phone during a dinner date? How about a brunch with friends? - Mental about Mobiles, Auckland.
When I was a kid in the early 1990s, my parents would go out to restaurants and parties, and they'd provide our babysitter with a landline number they could be reached on, but only in emergencies. Those were better days, when society wasn't addicted to instant information. People used to have more patience. Now, it seems, those at the other end of a text message or social media post are just as important than the people actually in front of us.
Theoretically, you should never place your phone (or wallet, or keys, for that matter) on the table. Unfortunately, smartphones are so huge these days they don't fit in your trouser pockets when you're sitting down, so you basically have to bring a jacket to stow them in. Remember this garment, because if your phone is out of sight, it's (somewhat) out of mind.
It is definitely not okay to answer your phone on a date, even if you ask the person in front of you, and they say it's okay. They're just being polite, and will awkwardly smile for several minutes thinking, "Oy. Now I'm on a date with Ari Gold".
If you're that desperate to check up on the world, wait until your dining partner goes to the loo, then do it really, really quickly.
I advise, if you have an iPhone, to turn your phone to "Do Not Disturb" when you're dining with others. It silences all notification but has this nifty emergency feature, whereby if a person calls you twice within three minutes, the second call will not be silenced. In that case, excuse yourself from the table and take the call in the foyer.
Two occasions are tolerable for phones at brunch with friends: you need to communicate with someone who is joining you at the table, to ascertain their whereabouts; or, you want to show your friends something (e.g. a photo) on your phone, or to take a photo. That's it. No Tweeting. No Facebooking. These things can all wait until you have left your seat.
It's always better to over-dress than under-dress.
Photo / 123RF
We recently received a wedding invitation that stated that the dress code was "formal". We interpreted "formal" to be black tie or morning suit as the wedding was at 4pm. The interpretation of the wedding planner was that "formal" meant for the men to be wearing a jacket and long pants! - Dress Code Challenger, Auckland
Across the board, Kiwis fail greatly at wedding dress code etiquette. It's not really our fault, as none of us went to finishing schools or were taught how to dress by occasion. Still, we should all know better than to wear tan Dickies work pants, an untucked white shirt, and sunglasses on our heads - as I saw at a wedding in December. The wedding planner clearly has never read a guide to style.
Formal, specifically, means morning suit for a day wedding, black tie at night. If the wedding starts at 4pm that it's technically a night-time affair (as dinner will be served), and while either is appropriate, black tie is preferred. It's been that way for centuries, and the modern man must still abide.
For women, "formal" attire is technically a long gown, not something knee-length. However, modern women don't own a lot of gowns so a conservative cocktail dress in a rich colour (black, dark blues or reds, or a chic metallic) may be worn. If in doubt, overdress, don't underdress. No one will ever fault you for looking too good, unless you look better than the bride.
What's the deal with freebies?
Photo / 123RF
I run a fashion blog, and I often get free stuff from PR agencies to test out. Is it okay to sell stuff I don't want anymore on eBay? - Freebie Friendly, Sydney
Ethically, this is a blurry one. Review products from PR people sometimes come with "loan" forms that you have to sign, saying you'll return the items when you're done. More often than not, though, they just arrive at your desk and PRs hope you'll feature them.
Whether it's a lipstick or a Gucci bag, technically in this case, these things are yours to keep (unless you blog for someone else, and you have an employment clause pertaining to gifts).
Is it okay to sell what you don't want on eBay (or New Zealand's equivalent, TradeMe)?
It's definitely not the classy thing to do, but it's not unethical, either. When I'm sent free stuff without disclaimers to sign, usually I will keep them for three months, and if the PR agent hasn't asked for it back (and I'm not using it) I'll give it away to a friend who will. Karma works both ways.
