Gwyneth Paltrow is turning 50 any day now. Photo / AP
Gwyneth Paltrow is turning 50 any day now. Photo / AP
Opinion
OPINION:
Gwyneth Paltrow is turning 50 any day now. As you may have guessed, this is not the end of it. The Goop founder has been sharing her insights in the run-up to this landmark birthday – roughly summarised as "I've never felt or looked better." No surprise there.
Weget it. Gwyneth runs a wellness empire worth millions of dollars. She's in the business of extending women's fit years and looking good in a Chanel minidress (she found one in her basement last week – as you do – and popped it on) 25 years after her mother put away all thought of minidresses.
You're not going to get a lot of downbeat talk about hairy fingers and bloating from Gwyneth, because 50 is better than 40, she says, and Gwyneth is in the vanguard of moving things faster in that direction. Possibly you want to shout "Wellness Cruise for the Goop team to celebrate!" or "How about give the money to Ukraine?"
Still, you could argue that Gwynnie is doing her bit to push back the invisible years on all our behalves. Then again, let's face it, Gwyneth's 50s are not going to look quite like the average woman's 50s and this is the modern 50/50 dilemma.
We now all have a new rapidly evolving 50-something standard to aspire to and we also have our own experience of being 50-something and what would work best for us is an honest appraisal of both sides of the coin: the new pros and the remaining cons. Here are some of them…
No clothes are off limits
Pros:
Nearly 30 years after Anneka Rice hung up her jumpsuits, Challenge Anneka is back. Rice (now 63 – which is the new 53) will be back in her trademark skimpy jumpsuits and we'll barely notice because who isn't wearing a midlife jumpsuit?
It's true that we have had all kinds of watershed clothing moments in the past: Madonna dancing in a pink leotard aged 51 in the video for Hung Up on You; Elle Macpherson wandering around in an itsty-witsy bikini in her mid-50s; but now these moments pass without comment (unless it's Madonna outing her bottom again). Age is no barrier to wearing anything at all –with the possible exception of crop tops.
Cons:
You may look better in jeans but your knees are not your friend. High heels will give you snake-pit foot. Short shorts are fine by the pool, ditto skimpy dresses, but unless you are working out daily, living on lean protein and body scrubbing every few hours, don't bring these looks home.
You have got your house sorted
Pros:
Working out whether you were all about shades of grey or pretty patterns, cosy and colourful or slate and scrubbed wood took some time but – as we now know – this is what your fifth decade is for. It's all done and dusted and you can sit back and enjoy it.
Your 50s is also the decade when you realise you don't have to have the dried oregano in order to follow that recipe, or the nice casserole dish, or the special candles. You will lose that Must Have itch because there is nothing you must have.
Cons:
You now have garden envy instead. Could be even more time-consuming.
Now that your house is sorted, you're free to develop a garden obsession. Photo / Annie Spratt, Unsplash
You are freed from the tyranny of looking natural
Pros:
We can admit we need help. To hell with the barely there make-up, your whole head is barely there, and you are fading like an old Polaroid: what you need are blingy earrings, black lashes, a top in an eye-brightening colour. The game of "effortless" is well and truly over, which oddly makes life easier.
Cons:
You may get into red lipstick and look a bit vampiric if you're not careful, and you may get seduced by those horrible stick-on caterpillar eyelashes. Watch for this.
You quite like exercise
Pros:
In the old days there were Jane Fonda workout tapes and there were gyms, apparently. But until quite recently we mainly indulged in Diet Coke in place of exercise, smoked to avoid having pudding and ate cottage cheese for a week before going on holiday. Now the modern 50-something actually likes stretching and swimming and squatting and warrior poses and the whole bag of tricks. They look forward to yoga sessions and Zooms with their personal trainer.
Jane Fonda at her Beverly Hills fitness studio in September 1979. Photo / AP
Cons:
Pilates Reformer classes are the new cash guzzler, now that you've stopped decorating.
Your children don't need a babysitter
Pros:
Now they're old enough to use the microwave. Old enough to take the bus. Old enough to go on other people's holidays. Old enough to use an iron. Your days of hosting bouncy-castle parties and supervising homework are over. Result.
Cons:
They have pre-adult and almost-adult problems, like what's the ideal work/life balance.
You are definitely not afraid to speak up in meetings
Pros:
You get a self-esteem leg-up in your 50s – or is it a sudden boost of the Do Not Cares? Either way, you're perfectly happy to say it as it is, point out that was your idea – two weeks ago – and ask for a pay rise.
Cons:
There's no guarantee that your employers are ready for this.
