NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Lifestyle

Mind Matters with Kyle MacDonald: If you've caught a cheater, is it any of your business?

NZ Herald
10 Apr, 2021 05:00 PM4 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

    Reminder, this is a Premium article and requires a subscription to read.

The wonders of modern technology bring new ethical conundrums. Photo /Michael Cunningham

The wonders of modern technology bring new ethical conundrums. Photo /Michael Cunningham

ADVICE

Q: I recently saw a work colleague's husband on Tinder. As far as I know they're happily married. Should I tell her?

A: The wonders of modern technology - and the new ethical conundrums they bring. Of course, it would be perfectly legitimate to keep swiping, and pretend you've never seen it, and fair enough to not want to get involved.

You are also assuming (and it may be a perfectly legitimate and accurate assumption) that she doesn't already know, and might even be fine with it.

But, assuming she doesn't and you've caught a cheater is it any of your business?

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

For me it all comes down to the nature of the relationship you have with these two people. Because to get involved can always be risky - you could end up getting caught in the crossfire, and blamed - by one or both parties.

Perhaps the best answer is found by asking yourself a question - if it was you, would you want to know? And how would you want to find out?

Q: Driving in traffic is really impacting my mood, I get angry with other drivers and arrive home in a bad mood. What can I do to curb my road rage?

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

A: The bad news is it's entirely possible that your car is making you miserable. Or at least sitting in it, in traffic for longer than about 15 minutes. Yes, road rage is the obvious example: that unreasonable frustration we can feel at others on the road when we're stuck in traffic, but what we're less familiar with is the more general mental health impacts of how we commute.

Recent research from the University of Auckland - the first of its kind - looks at this very question. And the worst mental health impacts are for those who commute by car, in heavy traffic and for journeys longer than 40 minutes. Not only is it frustrating, but it actually negatively impacts life satisfaction.

And the most positive transport in terms of mental health? Cycling, followed by walking. It's not just the exercise, but also the sense of control and increased mindful interaction with the world.

Too often our conversations and our life choices focus on time - the quickest, most efficient way to get from place to place. Recent coverage of Te Huia - Auckland to Hamilton train - showed that. Most of the conversation was whether it was faster or slower - or cheaper - than driving.

But perhaps instead we should be talking about which way of getting to and from work is better for our emotional health.

Now I appreciate not everyone has the luxury or the resources to bike to work, or even reliable access to public transport, but if you do, perhaps give it a try. And focus not on any lost time (although personal experience in Auckland tells me most of the time it's quicker on two wheels) but on the good feelings you gain.

Because it's hard to argue that sitting in peaceful contemplation on a train, or getting some fresh air and exercise is a bad idea. You might even get home in a better mood.

Q: I need to get my spending under control. I impulsively buy things online that I can't afford, what can I do?

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

A: Well you've likely heard all the "tricks" - hide your credit card, freeze it in a block of ice - or the modern version - delete your online shopping accounts, or remove your credit cards from your devices.

But that will only go so far. What you need to do, either on your own or with the help of a therapist, is track the feelings that motivate the compulsion.

What is the emotional problem you're looking to solve by shopping? It might be stress, loneliness, boredom. Or it might at different times be all of them.

By paying attention to the feelings you can start to work on tolerating them - and not having to block them out with the thrill of shopping.

Then you can work on healthy - or less expensive - ways of managing those feelings. Because while some emotions can be hard, with deliberate practice sitting with the discomfort is entirely possible.

Save

    Share this article

    Reminder, this is a Premium article and requires a subscription to read.

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
Lifestyle

A loved one was diagnosed with dementia. Now what?

03 Jul 06:00 AM
Entertainment

Watch: Smokefreerockquest and Showquest's finals around the motu

03 Jul 06:00 AM
Entertainment

The Kiwi still teaching Aussies to wave after 30 years

03 Jul 05:31 AM

Sponsored: Get your kids involved in your reno

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
A loved one was diagnosed with dementia. Now what?

A loved one was diagnosed with dementia. Now what?

03 Jul 06:00 AM

New York Times: Families and experts share their best advice for navigating and coping.

Watch: Smokefreerockquest and Showquest's finals around the motu

Watch: Smokefreerockquest and Showquest's finals around the motu

03 Jul 06:00 AM
The Kiwi still teaching Aussies to wave after 30 years

The Kiwi still teaching Aussies to wave after 30 years

03 Jul 05:31 AM
Cassie's two-word text turned Diddy's case

Cassie's two-word text turned Diddy's case

03 Jul 04:51 AM
Sponsored: Why heat pumps make winter cheaper
sponsored

Sponsored: Why heat pumps make winter cheaper

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP