Mind Matters with Kyle MacDonald: Covid 19, Omicron, protests and Ukraine are frightening

Accepting we have little control over events in Ukraine can be hard but we can donate money, sign petitions or support charities that are helping on the ground.

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Q: I felt like I was coping okay with Covid, the Omicron outbreak, and the protests but Ukraine has pushed me over the edge. I can't stop thinking about it, I can't sleep and am really worried about nuclear war. How do I stop feeling so upset by it when it is so awful?

A: I've talked a lot about anxiety in this column over the last couple of years, and at times have even suggested that anxiety isn't even a useful way of framing how we feel - sometimes it's just better to call it what it is: fear.

Anxiety is often seen as not real, to be challenged or vanquished - an exaggerated response to something we shouldn't be scared of.

And while this period in our history could well be called the age of anxiety, I keep coming back to the reality - to me it seems entirely reasonable to be scared of a global pandemic and the threat of full-blown war in Europe.

But that doesn't mean we can't choose how we respond, and work on how much impact such real, scary and at times overwhelming events have on our day-to-day lives.

The key, especially with news-dominating events like the unfolding invasion of Ukraine, is to work on what I call "bringing the horizon in". What does this mean?

In many ways, it's a form of applied mindfulness. The focus is on bringing our attention closer to home, closer to our own - or our whānau's - day-to-day life.

Tune out as much as possible anything that isn't focused on what you and yours need to attend to today. School, work, the next meal - enjoyable activities together.

Turn off the notifications, ignore social media, and - yes I'm aware of the irony - don't read the paper - even this excellent publication!

I also think of it as pulling up the emotional drawbridge - protecting ourselves from all that is outside. Being constructively selfish.

Because, as is often said in therapy - and in emotion research - "emotions love themselves".

Fear is hardwired to keep bringing our attention to that which is a threat, and in doing so re-triggering more and more ongoing fear.

It makes sense from a survival point of view, however, when the war is not on your doorstep, then it is also true that right now, today, it isn't a direct threat to us or our loved ones.

So while we can't control the events of the world, we can control what we pay attention to.

But beware, it can take some time and effort to drag your attention away from the events that are now stuck in your head and keep you awake at night. You might need to keep dragging your attention to the present moment, and to distracting activities over and over again for a while.

And beware the voices - in your own head - that can lead to guilt, by suggesting that not paying attention means you don't care, are being selfish or callous.

Accepting we have very little - or no - control over things that are truly awful can be hard. It may help to set aside some time to take action. Donating money if you have the means, signing petitions or supporting charities that are helping on the ground.

But ultimately it's okay to put yourself and your loved ones first. The world goes on and those that have the time, space and emotional capacity will carry on paying attention.

In the meantime allow gratitude that we live so far away. Create a safe, quiet little world for yourself and do what works - bring the horizon in and focus on the present moment.

And breathe.