Millennial men want their wives to carry the majority of the burden when it comes to household tasks and childcare, research has revealed. Photo / Getty Images
Millennial men want their wives to carry the majority of the burden when it comes to household tasks and childcare, research has revealed. Photo / Getty Images
From their girl-power childhoods to their PhDs, Millennial women's ambitions have long been applauded.
Women are by and large the backbone of the workforce, with the majority now equal breadwinners to men, reports the New York Post.
They've been told that women can do and be anything - until they become mothers, that is.
It's at this point that many of their partners apparently expect them to revert into the role of a 1950s housewife. A new book Ambitious Like a Mother by Lara Bazelon explores how working mums wind up with a "second shift" - that is, all the domestic tasks after her 9-5 ends.
Even in households where partners split the chores between them, mothers are expected to be the primary carer of children, assuming responsibility for things like doctor's appointments and the school run.
Working mums are also four times more likely than their male partners to miss work to care for sick children. This statistic became all too clear during the Covid-19 pandemic, but even BC (before Covid), women spent about two hours more per day doing domestic tasks than their partners.
Economics professors Francine D Blau and Lawrence M Kahn wrote in a 2013 research paper that "modern men do not adjust the amount of time they dedicate to housework based on their wives' employment status".
Turns out that no matter how many hours you put in at the office, your husband hasn't necessarily caught on to the fact that he needs to help pick up the slack. One mum interviewed for Bazelon's book said that even though she earned more than her husband, she was still responsible for "anything related to schoolwork, doctors' appointments, [my child's] IEP plan… my husband didn't make any effort to understand it".
"Professional working mothers who find themselves with partners who are unwilling to make that shift in perspective and allocation of time and resources have a tough choice," Bazelon writes.
In 2022, men need to update their expectations, says Lara Bazelon. Photo / Getty Images
"Radically compromise who they are and what they want to stay in the marriage, or leave."
A woman named Breegan Jane, also interviewed for the book, initially thought she was okay with "traditional" gender roles" - but found that her work at home was never really valued, with her husband telling people she was his "spoiled wife".
She ended up divorcing him and becoming an HGTV host helping rebuild homes for families in need - and says her children could not be more proud of her work.
Bazelon is no stranger to situations like this, as a lawyer as well as an author. Once she had children, her husband urged her to "stop chasing after bigger, harder projects so that I could be more present" with them.
But while studies have shown the children of working mums are as well-adjusted as their peers, her husband didn't understand this. They divorced - not necessarily an easy solution, but many working mothers report that they are happier divorced.
For Bazelon, sharing custody of her kids means she has "protected time pockets where I can be more productive" and focus on her work without getting distracted.
For families to thrive in 2022, husbands need to step up their game when it comes to supporting their wives' careers, she writes. Progress is not backwards - and if men want their relationships to last, they'll have to move forward.
