Melissa Hoyer: It's time to end side boob

Melissa Hoyer writes that it's time to end side boob. Photo / Getty

Opinion

I just can't take it any more.

Seriously, one more flash of side breast flesh and I'll just have to give the game away.

The red carpet side boobs are ubiquitous but unfortunately they are the most unflattering of visual breast situations.

No matter how pert or perky your breasts may happen to be, I just don't think it's a particularly sexy or chic look.

The look has reigned again, highly visible as the Billboard Music Award's co-host Ciara twirled down the red carpet in a shimmering sliver of a silver dress.

Look, I adore admiring the human physical form, in all its guises as much as anyone but sometimes some peeps just give away too much fleshy information.

And that, my boob-loving friends is exactly what has happened to the side boob.

There is just nothing left to the imagination; nothing to ponder; think about or even fantasize about.

And match your side boob with serious thigh splits and you may as well have nothing on. Which could be bloody fantastic if you are surrounded by the comfort of close friends or swanning around at home.

But no celebrity on a red carpet is invisible and can hope to go unnoticed if they do choose to go down the side boob path.

As soon as they hit the ruby rug, snap, they and their SBs are there for all to see. And so many times they aren't exactly photographed at the most flattering of angles.
To be honest, I just don't find side boob sexy.

Like goats cheese, I've tried to like it, but it's just not for me.

Ironically, I find cleavage and décolletage incredibly sexy, but for some reason, side boob just looks like it wasn't meant to happen due to an unfortunate lack of fabric.

Remember when the divine Bella Hadid wore a red piece of fabric that called itself a dress when she was in Cannes?

And yes, it was coupled with the obligatory major sky-high split too.

Name a celeb and they've all had a turn - some successfully, others, a complete disaster.
Look, I love seeing low-back dresses; I adore skirt splits; I am into low-cut gowns so why the disdain for side boob?

It just doesn't cut it for me but hey, while there is a red carpet to be rolled out and a swag of celebs ready to show off their kick-ass bodies, there will be side boob.

And until we see the next trend emerge, we are pretty much stuck with it.

So boys and girls, at this stage it shows no signs of being sidelined so either get with the program or just grin and "bare" it.