Matt Heath: Why a wave is still appreciated by drivers

A "thank you" is more important than you may think.

OPINION

Mash, a handsome 24-year-old co-worker of mine, asked me an interesting question last week.

“When people wait for us on the roads, are we still waving thanks, or has that fallen by the wayside? I feel like it’s happening less and less.”

Like Mash, I was taught that if someone pulls over to let you through, or slows down to let you out or leaves a space to let you in, you signal thanks. Someone has taken time out of their day to make your life easier. That act deserves to be acknowledged. It’s basic stuff.

However you do it, a “thank you” is more important than you may think. A 2019 TRA survey found nearly half of all Aucklanders like to use their hazard lights to show appreciation. This method works great from the front. If, however, a driver pulls over to let you through a narrow road, it makes more sense to wave as you go by. In response to the 2019 study, psychologist Susan Wall explained that showing or receiving gratitude for courteous driving can have long-lasting positive effects.

“When we get some sort of recognition from people for something we’ve done, our brain reacts by releasing natural chemicals.”

Giving or receiving thanks on the road releases dopamine and oxytocin. According to Wall, this feeling can last in the body for up to two hours. Positive human connections make us happy. A “thank you” can have wide-ranging benefits for both you and the receiver.

So if it’s polite, logical and makes both parties feel good, why don’t people do it?

Maybe they don’t know they should. The same study found that nearly a third of people surveyed were confused about how to show thanks to others on the road.

Perhaps some people aren’t confident enough behind the wheel to do it. One texter to the Matt and Jerry Breakfast Show on Radio Hauraki had this to say on the topic: “For years, I didn’t wave because I was a muppet driver in my own world behind the wheel - just keeping on the road was hard enough. I had no idea what was going on in other cars.”

Another texter had this to say: “The other day, a lady stopped me and asked me to help her turn her car around because she didn’t know how to reverse. So, you know, there are some rubbish drivers out there!”

If you don’t know how to reverse, there is a good chance you don’t know where the emergency indicator is to flash your thankfulness.

While getting a wave or a flash makes you feel good, not getting one can make us angry. You feel ripped-off, unappreciated, even humiliated. You may even crave revenge.

As a texter put it: “I will 100 per cent wave at any kindness on the road, it’s the least I can do. But believe me when I tell you you’ll get the finger if you don’t wave at me when I’ve been kind to you.”

Another texter named Ben the Bone Crusher wrote: “If people don’t wave, I chase the scumbag down and beat them until they apologise and I now legally own their house.”

Ben is clearly joking, but rage from the lack of waving is real. I used to be a vengeful driver. I would turn down a narrow street, prepared to pull over when appropriate, but also primed to hate and flash a finger at anyone who didn’t wave thanks to me. Nowadays I apply philosophy to my driving, asking the question Marcus Aurelius asked himself when others annoyed him: “Does what’s happened keep you from acting with justice, generosity, self-control, sanity, honesty, humility and straightforwardness?”

When it comes to an impolite driver, the answer is, ‘No, it does not.’ We can choose to be positive.

Who knows why someone hasn’t waved or flashed? Maybe they are a bad person; maybe they are missing an arm. Their reasons are irrelevant. What others do is their problem. How we behave is ours.

So, Mash, ‘when people wait for us on the roads, are we still waving to thank them?’, the answer is, ‘Yes, we are.’ Even if it’s going out of fashion, even if we get nothing in return, we good people of New Zealand will continue thanking others on the road because it’s the right thing to do and because every wave and flash makes our world a slightly better place.