Matt Heath: Getting in shape is a motivational jigsaw

Let's think about getting in shape for summer. Photo / 123RF

The difference between your body this week and next week is what you do in the next seven days to achieve your goals.

— Richard Johansonson

It's a Monday. This is the week you are going to eat well, exercise hard and cut down on the drinking. This is the first day of the rest of your life. Today you are definitely going to make a change.

Except you definitely won't. No matter how many inspirational quotes people post on Instagram, this week will play out the same as last week and the week before that.

Day one you might hit the gym. You may even eat a salad on Tuesday. But Wednesday you'll slip up and accidentally slam a burger and fries. Then there's thirsty Thursday, work drinks on Friday, delicious beers with the rugby on Saturday night. By Sunday you've failed the week completely so you might as well stuff your face and start again Monday. Nothing to be ashamed of. Most New Zealanders live week to week. Telling themselves on Sunday night "it all starts tomorrow".

Just be yourself, there is no one better

— Taylor Swift

I've tried a lot of crazy diets and exercise regimes in my time. All failures. The male bikini body humiliation challenge, the no- food-at-all diet and the picture potatoes as poos programme. I am fatter than ever largely thanks to those scams of my own design. They've left me a revolting flabby pig of a man. The kind of dude you don't want to see naked. Which is annoying because I have to see myself nude every morning in the bathroom mirror. Of course, this weight problem is an easy fix. You can always shower and shave with your eyes closed.

It doesn't matter how slowly you go as long as you never stop

— Confucius

Just because we always fail our fitness and dietary goals doesn't mean we shouldn't keep trying. As the saying doesn't go "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is the definition of tenacity".

That's why I've invented another new exercise plan. One that will definitely work. The run for an hour every day regime. Whatever the speed, whatever the weather, you run for 60 minutes. Eat what you want, drink what you want, but you run for one hour a day every day. Today is the first day of my programme and it's going great. I'm planning to smash out my first run after lunch or mid arvo or after dinner or maybe start tomorrow.

Lack of self-control is the reason we are flabby wastes of space in the first place. Photo / 123RF

The problem with all these extreme schemes is motivation. Lack of self-control is the reason we are flabby wastes of space in the first place.

If we don't grow a backbone we will fail every time.

But where do you get the motivation from? Inspirational quotes? A friend sent me this pearler.

Be the energy you want to attract

— Gwyneth Paltrow

You can find pieces of wisdom like this all over Instagram and Facebook. It doesn't matter where you get your inspirational quotes from. They have three things in common. They suck, they don't work and they harbour fatal logical flaws. Take this one.

There are no limits to what you can accomplish, except the limits you place on your thinking

— Brian Tracy

Sounds good until you think about it. What about genetics? No matter how unlimited my thinking is I'm never going to become an All Black lock. I'm physically too short and riddled with slow-twitch muscle fibres.

I never had the right DNA. If I was born the same day as Brodie Retallick and worked as hard as him for the same amount of time. He'd still split me in half. No matter how openly I think about the idea.

In the end, quotes don't work because you need to motivate yourself. It has to come from within.

So be positive. Take action. Start by blocking the friends and attention-seeking losers who post inspirational quotes.

Do the one-hour a day running challenge every day just for you. It's a Monday today, a new week, so let's get going. JUST DO IT. No excuses.

Only I can change my life, no one can do it for me.

— Carol Burnett

Having said that it is Labour Day today and you can't start on a public holiday.

So let's maybe leave it to next Monday or the one after that.