Do you ever worry about sharks attacking you in the ocean? What about in a chlorinated central Auckland pool? What about in the bath? Everyone knows the odds of being attacked by a shark are minimal.
According to statisica.com, there were 73 shark attacks globally in 2021, nine fatal.The odds of a human attacking a shark are much higher. We kill 100 million of their kind a year. That's 11,000 sharks per hour or three per second. In the shark vs man battle of the species, we kick their butts.
Here in New Zealand, with our extensive coastline and love of water sports, we are in more danger than most. You're unlikely to be attacked by a shark in Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Uganda, Uzbekistan, Zambia, Zimbabwe, or any of the 32 other landlocked countries on Earth. More than half of America's states have no coast and good luck finding a shark in Chhattisgarh, Haryana, Jharkhand, Madhya Pradesh or Telangana in India. Another place you will not get attacked by a shark is a suburban Kiwi swimming pool.
These facts afford you little comfort when you're in the pool the day after you watched a double feature of The Meg and Jaws. You know in your heart that there are no sharks in the deep end. That would be crazy. But when you can picture a shark, and you are in the water, and you are a wuss, you have all you need to feel irrationally uneasy.
Galeophobia (the fear of sharks) is much worse at sea. In the ocean, sharks never leave my mind. I was fishing on a friend's boat last year, my 11-year-old son was pulling a snapper out of the water when a big old 3-metre mako jumped up and bit the fish right off his line. It was an incredibly cinematic attack, and it freaked us the hell out. The next day we were snorkelling around Motutara Island in Whangaruru Bay. My boy asked if we were in the same water as that shark that stole his snapper the day before. I told him, with a shaky voice, that technically, we were in the same water as all the sharks in the world. We quickly got back in the boat and went home.
At that moment, I realised my wussiness regarding sharks was impacting my son's ability to enjoy the water. Something needed to be done. So, when the opportunity to swim with sharks in a cage popped up last week, I jumped at the chance to say no. Then I remembered that my key objective in life these days is to face all my fears. So I changed my answer to a solid maybe.
That resolve got brutally tested the morning of our death-defying dip. I opened my NZ Herald app to find the headline ''Man narrowly survives shark attack during Shark Week stunt". Great timing.
A Sand Tiger shark surveys the scene at the shark tunnel. Photo / Richard Robinson, Sea Life Kelly Tarlton's
Luckily the Shark Cage Adventure at Kelly Tarlton's in Auckland is super safe. You wedge yourself into a wetsuit, grab a snorkel, climb into the indoor tank with a highly well-informed guide and float around as big sharks and rays check you out. It's one of the most extraordinary things I have ever done.
A funny thing happens to your perception when you find yourself 20cm from a massive Tiger shark. They change before your eyes from terrifying monsters to big beautiful fish. We are not their food. Sharks don't want to eat big monkeys wrapped in black rubber. Who does? The ocean is full of tasty fish. Only a confused shark would go after stinky chewy old us with all that delicious healthy kia moana floating around.
Sharks have been around for 450 million years. They were here 90 million years before there were trees and 190 million years before dinosaurs. A whole 438 million years before we turned up. Sharks give off an intense, ancient killing machine energy. They have a look that seems to growl, "haha, pathetic human; your petty, civilised, land-based concerns are of no significance here". To which I yelled back. "Okay mate, let's see how well you go against me on land. You may have the upper hand here, but if this were K Road, things would get pretty interesting for you, bud".
I faced my fears at Kelly Tarlton's excellent Shark Cage Adventure, and it worked. I was in the spa pool this morning and didn't even think about sharks.
