Do you need a flash barbecue?
A good entry-level kettle from the likes of the Bunnings and Mitre 10 is under hundred bucks. That will get you going. Don't spend four grand straight away. It's not everyone's bag standing next to a barbecue for 10 hours waiting for a piece of meat. If you try it and like it, then tip money into it.
I imagine it's a satisfying achievement to cook meat to perfection. What about serving it to people?
Mate, that's why I do it. I cook a lot of barbecue, but I don't eat a lot. I really enjoy the process, and I love seeing people eat it for the first time.
Does barbecue lead to meeting and hanging with people?
Massively. If you cook a six-kilo brisket, you feel compelled to invite people over. You want to show it off and share. It definitely drives social engagement. Then there are competitions. When I got into competing, I'd just split with my wife and I met a chap who saw I was down. He asked me to join his team for a comp. I gave it a go and made lifelong friends. We hang out, cook together and talk. It came into my life at my lowest point, and I found a whole community that I wouldn't have met. We all get on, and we have this cooking style that binds us as a community. It's a great culture. I believe it's good for my mental health too. It's my happy place. It quiets my mind. There are only two things that do that. Barbecue and riding a motorbike. They're both great, but one's a bit more dangerous than the other.
What's the best way for a terrified idiot like me to get into this?
There's content on youtube and resources to get started. The most important thing is to learn to control the temperature. Practice with cheaper cuts like pork shoulder and chicken and gradually move towards ribs, brisket etc. If you're no researcher, there are a number of barbecue classes that you can attend. I run classes myself. I recommend following NZ Barbecue Alliance on Facebook. That's the largest group out there, and there is a plethora of information and tips to get you started. The group has a great culture; it's very welcoming. People love to help people there. Meat Mafia Collective on Facebook is my page. I post recipes and support people that are new to it. Keep an eye out for events like Smoke and Spice Festival and Smoke on the Coast. They're great days out, and you'll meet lots of friendly people from the Barbecue community.
At this point, my internet connection soiled the bed, and I had to let the BBQ Jesus go. I imagine he wandered off to an impressive BBQ setup to slow cook a ridiculously large hunk of meat for friends. Barbecue seems like a fun challenging thing to get into and a great way to meet mates. The eating is good too. One thing's for sure, the brisket Noel and Alex served made me like them a lot.
• Noel owns the Meat Mafia Collective. Tune in to him and Alex on the Barbecue Base Podcast on iHeart Radio or wherever you get your pods.