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Let's get real, the domestic goddess is a mythical creature. It's a strain to maintain your vocation and diligently complete the turgid goddess checklist: house in order, kids contented and dinner bubbling on the stove. Shannon Lush, the Australian "Queen of Clean", says it's crackers to model yourself on such an image.
"I'm not comfortable with the domestic-goddess status. It's impossible to achieve in real life," says Lush authoritatively on the phone from her Sydney home.
"There is so much guilt dumped on women if they don't have the perfect home, cook the perfect meal, and be the perfect mum. It's not fair to pigeon-hole them."
She is on a mission to relieve women of domestic drudgery, and her latest book, Speedcleaning, offers sure-fire systems for cleaning your house in 15 minutes.
"It's all the time you need to keep a house clean," enthuses Lush. "My aim is to make things easier for women. But that doesn't mean your home has to be a furniture catalogue - I'm not a neat-nit."
Speedcleaning is brimming with practical advice, non-toxic cleaning methods and old-fashioned common sense. If the 15-minutes of household fame sounds like a gimmick, Lush has sterling credentials.
A fine arts restorer by profession, she has squirrelled away mines of information handed down by generations of her family, particularly her industrial chemist and engineer father. It also helps that she has a razor-sharp mind and encyclopaedic knowledge of all things domestic - "my friends call me the human Google memory".
Although, Lush has no formal training as a chemist, her art restoration business requires intimate knowledge of 27 different mediums, and she is a whiz at identifying the chemical makeup of various products. "There's nothing magical - or even spiritual - about cleaning, it's just simple chemistry."
One thing that gets Lush really riled is off-the-shelf cleaning products that promise pristine results and don't deliver.
"I get very cranky with manufacturers.
"It's all a big fib. They often disguise what's really in the product with clever tricks. They claim it will act as a stain remover but often it's impossible to get that stain out with the list of chemicals advertised on the product. It's crackers."
What about that bathroom product that claims to remove mould?
"Oh yeah, that's a ripper, that product. All it does is bleach the mould white so you can't see it - but it doesn't get rid of the mould. So what does? Oil of cloves will do the trick."
Since the publication of her first book Spotless in 2005, co-authored with ABC radio producer Jennifer Fleming, Lush has rocketed to fame, with guest spots on 14 radio stations, TV appearances, and speaking engagements.
Spotless was the bestselling book in Australia in 2006 and has sold 407,000 copies. Speedcleaning has sold 100,000 copies in four months and remains in the top 10 bestseller list.
And with the recent signing of a publishing contract, her cleaning gospel is going global. Still, the affable Australian remains dumbfounded by the response to her cleaning tips.
"I find it astonishing that people have embraced the books. It was an eye-opener to realise that people didn't know this stuff."
Lush's stuff is certainly a revelation to her fans. During her Saturday morning sessions on Radio Live, Lush is inundated with callers seeking advice on spots, stains, smells, marks and moulds. She is never stumped for an answer.
Case in point. Bruce: "I have a Harris Tweed Flat Cap and I have somehow managed to get engine grease on it - how can I remove it?"
Lush replies: "Baby oil will take most of it out - rub both sides of it with a cottonwool ball. Use dry-cleaning fluid to get rid of the rest."
Curiously, she's just as popular with men as women, and all ages.
"I expected to appeal only to females but the feedback is that males appreciate the chemistry side."
Still, men and women do clean differently. "Men clean according to a line of sight. They systematically clean from one end of the room to another - but don't clean anything they can't see."
Women follow a cleaning programme, and are prone to re-clean areas just because they're on the list. "Together they are a fantastic cleaning machine."
As we speak, 50-year-old Lush is bustling around her home - "I'm always multi-tasking". Her normal working day is 17 hours.
Despite her celebrity status, this mother of two daughters (8 and 28) and two grown-up foster children, rents a modest three-bedroom home with her husband of 11 years. Lush doesn't hire a cleaner to do her dirty work and says the secret to happy households is to make chores fun.
"We have 'Cleaning Olympics' and it's a laugh to see who finishes first."
Asked if she's produced a modern-day version of Mrs Beeton's Book of Household Management, Lush doesn't recoil from the idea of being aligned with the Victorian author whose advice was more domestic governess than goddess.
"People need to feel in control - and there's a whole generation who have missed out on acquiring clever household management skills. But my advice requires less elbow grease."
And for those wanting to blitz a bathroom in 10 minutes, the "Queen of Clean" has some sound advice. "I play Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture to get me going. It's fantastic when the cannons go off."
LUSH TIPS
The clutter bucket
Sick of mess transference? Put your cleaning gear in one bucket and set aside another as a clutter bucket. Before you clean a room, put everything that doesn't belong there in the clutter bucket. Afterwards, put it all where it belongs.
Restoring a shrunken jumper
Put three tablespoons of Fullers Earth (from pharmacies) into a bucket of blood-heat water. Swirl jumper around a few times. Remove and rinse in clear, same temperature water. Pull to shape. Dry flat.
Getting rid of deodorant stains
Make a paste out of Napisan Plus to the consistency of peanut butter. Rub it onto the stains on the underarms and leave for 15-20 minutes then throw in the washing machine without rinsing.
Keeping smells out of your kitchen when cooking fish and curries
Put trays of baking soda beside your stove to absorb the smell of the curry. You can leave this out as a permanent deodorant in any room.
Removing red wine from carpet
White vinegar is the secret, but sponge it without making the carpet wet. It should be as dry as you can get it. It's better to change your cloth again and again than it is to get the carpet wet.
Whitening woollens
Half a tablespoon of methylated spirits and half a tablespoon of white vinegar into your rinse water does the trick. It whitens woollens "just like that".
Removing ink from cotton
Rotten milk does it. Place a carton of milk in the sun until the milk forms solids. Place solids over the stain. The ink will bleed up into the milk solids. Leave it there until the ink has bled a long way in. Next step is to wash out that section so that you wash out all the milk solids. Remember use just mild soap and cold water - not hot or even warm.
Removing candle wax marks from clothing
Use a plastic take-away knife to scrape most of the candle wax off. Then place the fabric between multiple layers of paper towel on an ironing board. Ironing should then take the wax out - just keep ironing and changing the paper towels. Finally, dip a cotton ball in tea tree oil. Have a dry cotton ball on the back of it and roll your two hands in little circles against each other.
Grease Stains
For butter, cheese and spaghetti sauce, Lush is quite happy to recommend regular brand products such as Napisan and Sard, with the proviso you hang garments in sunshine afterwards.
Removing sticky labels
Spray plastic wrap with a mixture of one part dishwashing liquid to five parts water. Lay this (damp side down, of course) on top of the label for 10 minutes. When you peel the plastic wrap off, the label comes with it. It takes a while to soak in; you need the wrap so it doesn't evaporate.