Kings Pride Buffalo after a fresh mow from Tim Curtin. Photo / Facebook
Kings Pride Buffalo after a fresh mow from Tim Curtin. Photo / Facebook
There's a new generation of green thumbs in town.
They spend countless hours mowing, watering, cultivating, planning, protecting and nurturing.
Their second home is Bunnings, which can get three - sometimes even four - visits on Saturday alone.
Their top topics of conversation are "which material to top dress Sapphire Buffalo" or "organic versus chemical weed management" and they love nothing more than a leisurely yarn to the neighbour over a cold beer, while comparing - and admiring - their very own pride and joy. And no, it's not the kids.
This perfect rectangle of grass in Kirribilli, NSW received a special mention. Photo / Facebook
I should know - for I, like hundreds of thousands of weekend-widows across the country, am married to a man that is in love with his lawn.
It all started when we moved into our new home. The garden was a construction site and being a builder, he loves a project.
And besides, the challenge of cultivating lawn from scratch meant hours of peace in the garden - an essential mini-break from our three young children every weekend - the same kids who under no circumstances are allowed a trampoline because, of course, it would ruin the lawn.
So he researched. Bounced ideas off his new mate and old neighbour Darryl, who for years has boasted the best lawn for streets around.
He top-dressed. He aerated. He "scalped to remove thatch" - whatever that means. He irrigated. And he got excited.
He joined chat groups. Yes my friends, he joined online chat groups to connect to the lawn-loving community on a wider scale.
A neat lawn and trim edges from Dean Leibbrandt in Brisbane. Photo / Facebook
His real life friends joined the bandwagon, and soon enough it turned into late night picture messages, mate to mate, comparing their little patches of heaven.
Pull up in the driveway and he's almost guaranteed to say "how good's the lawn?" before going out to give it a quick water. It's love alright.
And like any growing relationship it's only fitting that the L word naturally evolved into something more - so enter Lawn Porn.
What on earth is #lawnporn you ask? Lawn Porn is a fan page on Facebook, set up by said husband and his equally lawn-obsessed best mate for "proud punters to post photos of their lawns." It's literally people watching grass grow.
Hilarious right? But, it seems, he's not the only one loving their lay of the land - and taking it very seriously.
Lawn Porn took off, and in six days had more than 6500 fans. Hundreds of photos were shared and comments dreaming of greener pastures, with people tagging their own lawn loving mates to brag about their praiseworthy turf.
Posts have reached more than 180,000 people from all over the world, who leave comments like "thanks fellas, this is the best page on Facebook" and "now I don't need real porn, because I have lawn porn".
Matthew Spraggs catches the cat checking out his lawn. Photo / Facebook
They help people like Tony from New Zealand work out how to remedy "devastating slip 'n slide burn" by offering advice like "light aeration, light organic top-dressing with organic fertiliser" - and my favourite - "when kids aren't looking, 'accidentally' break the slip 'n slide, and convince the neighbour who doesn't care about their lawn to host the slip 'n slide".
It's gold. He's found his people. And interestingly, they are young like him, with 90 per cent of fans aged 18-34. Dear Darryl's protégé's you might say.
So it seems mowing the lawn has gone from dreaded chore to heartfelt hobby. And a healthy one.
Connecting with the outdoors, understanding your environment, taking pride in your surroundings. Fresh air and sunshine. What a great way to spend your time, and what a great example for kids out there, buried under X-boxes and iPads.
So here I am, an aspiring Lawn Porn convert married to a passionate Lawn Porn addict.
