Loss strengthens whanau bonds

Mia and her late cousin Charlie both loved cartoon band Gorillaz. Photo / Supplied

Mia has discovered that there's nothing quite like snatching something off your older cousin. Three-year-old Oliver was too polite, and a little dumb-founded, to retaliate when my 18-month-old daughter seized Roary the racing car off him.

This week we had a visit from my sister, her husband, and their two young fellas, Oliver and six-year-old Oskar, who were up in Auckland from Wellington as part of a week-long road trip.

Our kids don't see each other much, not that it matters, because when they do it's just like old mates getting together. The bond is natural and strong - hence the gracious snatching.

The Welly whanau have made a tradition of getting away on holiday around this time because nearly two years ago their eldest son Charlie - my little nephew - died suddenly.

This weekend (July 11) he would have been 11 years old and no doubt lacing up his rugby boots to play for the Johnsonville juniors.

Charlie was the coolest kid. He was into great music, from Stevie Wonder's Songs In the Key Of Life to Gorillaz and Kanye West, and when we did see each other we spent hours upon hours shooting, kicking or hitting balls of all shapes and sizes.

Mia already has Charlie's big brown eyes, and is showing early signs of his ball skills and dance moves.

Oliver and Mia are similar too in that they both like to be the boss and have that gene where they hit their head and it doesn't seem to hurt. They also both have a beaming contented smile and love a cuddle.

She might have similarities to those two but she probably gets along best with Oskar, the more sensitive and laid-back one, who's happy to shower her with attention.

That's what family - be it brothers and sisters, cousins, nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles - are there for; so you've got someone to depend on no matter what.

I want Mia to look after me when I'm older and making a menace of myself by ringing talk back radio. And most importantly, I want Mia to have a sis' or bro' to be there for her when her mum and I are gone.

Having Mia helped us to understand the loss my sister and her family feel. The great love that parenting brings, also comes hand in hand with a great fear of losing something so precious.

It's sad that Mia never got to meet Charlie - although she was in her mum's tummy at his funeral - but we're making sure she knows who he is and what he was like.

- Scott Kara

Pictured above: Mia and her late cousin Charlie both loved cartoon band Gorillaz. Photo / Supplied