Look sharp: Sali Hughes on how to follow a dress code

Choosing how to dress for specific occasions can be tricky, Sali Hughes explains how to follow a dress code in the book: Everything is Washable* and Other Life Lessons. Photo / Getty Images

Deciphering a dress code is no easy feat. Especially when there are different rules for different events, and different expectations for different groups of people. In this book extract author Sali Hughes shows us how to crack the code.

Formal

This, even now, mostly means wearing the sort of long frock/gown one would wear to a red carpet awards ceremony if one ever actually had both cause and invitation to attend red carpet awards ceremonies.

High heels are usual but by no means still obligatory, though shoes and bags do need to be smart and glamorous. Shorter dresses and trouser suits are allowed, of course, but the expectation for each would be raised.

Essentially, they'd better be extra fabulous or sharp to pass code. This really is the top tier, so if you need to go formal only once in a blue moon, as most of us do, consider hiring something to save cash and wardrobe space. Men in bow ties – either white or black (the invitation should tell you).

Semi-formal

Only a fraction more relaxed than above. Clothing should still be well considered and smart, but the main difference is that women will be free to choose the length of their skirts and men will wear a smart necktie, not a bow. Any suit worn by man or woman should be matching and in a man's case worn with a proper shirt rather than a jumper or polo shirt.

Excessive jewellery, sequins, sparkly embellishments and the like aren't strictly on-code. Most traditional weddings and garden parties are semi-formal, especially if they involve a daytime element.

Cocktail/cruise

A very nice party dress or very smart trouser/top get-up. Men in evening suits and tie (bow or modern necktie). Any colour goes; sparkles are encouraged; bold costume jewellery is never wrong. Again, high heels are no longer necessary, but make the shoes smart.

Corporate

Suits all round. For women, this can mean either a skirt or trouser suit, or a blazer worn over a tailored dress. Well-groomed hair; neat and subdued makeup, if worn. Simple, smart shoes – never trainers.

Wedding

Some weddings have a specific aesthetic, including for the guests. Weddings involving a different culture or religion to your own may involve an appropriate dress code and varying degrees of modesty, so don't be afraid to ask the couple for guidance, allowing them plenty of time before arrangements become more stressful.

Some wedding invitations say "evening wear", which is fair enough. Others say "all white", which is slightly unreasonable given the already steep cost of attending a wedding, not to mention deeply naff, but it's down to you to decide whether you want to make an allowance for someone's dream day (I'm inclined to go along with most things).

A girlfriend of mine once received a wedding invitation with the strict dress code of "cappuccino" (I'm not joking) and decided she and her skin tone had found their unexpected limit, but each to their own.

For a straightforward wedding, the code is a smart day-to-night outfit (dress or trousers) that isn't too revealing or ridiculously short. High heels are now wholly optional, but decent shoes are not.

I personally wouldn't wear a white or cream outfit unless it was floral or otherwise patterned, or if the bride and I were very close and she had given me her blessing. I would also avoid the bridesmaids' colour if I knew it in advance.

Americans don't traditionally wear hats at weddings. British people traditionally do and, I've noticed, have started doing so more again (certainly more than five years ago). I'm all for it, especially if the venue is spacious, for example a very large church or outside venues, I do think variations on compact styles like a beret, cloche, boater or fedora look smarter and more modern than a fascinator. If you wear a larger hat, make sure it isn't so large as to obscure anyone's view - or if you really can't resist a whopper, sit at the back.

Essentially: pay attention to what the couple want, look as nice as you can for their photos, without making any of it about you.

Funeral

Unless a family has made express wishes for people to dress brightly or casually, or in a specific colour symbolic to the deceased, I would strongly encourage everyone to wear black or dark navy and to make a proper effort.

This means no wet hair, dirty shoes or last night's mascara. And nothing revealing, micro-short or overtly sexy – again, unless that is the explicitly stated theme of the day. (In 1991, I attended a friend's funeral followed by an absolutely scandalous wake at the Wag Club in Soho – indecorous clubwear was positively insisted upon.)

At a regular funeral, your appearance should blend in with the congregation while showing that you respect both the dead and their loved ones enough to have taken some real time to look presentable.

I'm shocked when I see people attend funerals having made less effort than if they were attending an important work meeting, birthday party or night out, because it seems to me that the honouring of an entire life should be by definition a bigger fuss. Even if it doesn't matter to you, it definitely will matter to someone having a harder time.

Hats are optional but I must say that I like the tradition and usually wear a beret.

Modest

Modest clothing is very important at weddings, funerals and other special events within many cultures – especially when an event is held in a place of worship. If you don't have any personal experience within a culture, make it your business to find out what is acceptable well in advance.

Modest dressing is remarkably easy to do stylishly these days (trying to find a long-sleeved maxi dress was no mean feat five years ago), but there are dozens of variables specific to different values and occasions.

For example, exposed shoulders are generally not acceptable in a cathedral, gurdwara or synagogue but are often fine later, at a reception. Covered arms and long dresses may be required all day, while headscarves may be obligatory during a ceremony, so know your stuff in order to not stand out or unintentionally cause offence.

Smart-casual/dress-down

Not full-on corporate garb, but also not the kind of Zoom-call loungewear one could conceivably wear for a jog. This is often as corporate-looking as the media industry gets.

Broadly, smart-casual means smart shapes in casual fabrics. For example, well-fitting trousers made from jersey, corduroy or denim rather than suiting flannel or wool, and smart shirts and blouses in chambray, twill or jersey instead of cotton poplin or silk.

What smart-casual is telling you is to relax and feel more comfortable, but not at the apparent expense of your professionalism or respect for colleagues, clients or fellow guests.

I wouldn't wear trainers unless they were leather or leather-like - and spotless. Casual-comfy and practical but not scruffy and slobby. Jeans, trainers, T-shirts and unsweaty sweats are all fine. You still need to look clean and presentable but so you can otherwise relax.

Everything is Washable* and Other Life Lessons, by Sali Hughes (HarperCollins, $60).

Extracted from Everything is Washable* and Other Life Lessons by Sali Hughes. (HarperCollins, HB $60)