Lock 'em up and throw 'em into the limelight

One of the kids who has been banged up on Redemption Hill (tonight, 7.30, TV2) thought he might be going to "some little island and ... surviving and ... catching goats and stuff."

In other words, when this lot of horrible teens agreed (and what were the mechanics of that?) to appear on a reality telly show they obviously thought it might be pretty cool to go on the telly. And why not? All those celebs do it. The teens probably agreed to a bit of hardship. But hardship in reality telly terms means babes in bikinis and showing off how cool you are. In other words: go on telly and you are guaranteed a lot of attention.

So what a great idea. Take this lot of horrible attention-seeking teens and give them the most attention they've had in their horrible little lives by putting them on the telly.

"I was just thinking it was for TV," said another of the kids. And another: "I thought everyone was just actors but they were real."

Aah, it is just for TV. Which is why, presumably, we had the goons in black with ear pieces, the German Shepherds, the hand-cuffing scene and the strip-searches.

These teens have done various ghastly things including being ghastly to their parents, mostly their mothers.

This seems like a good way to get on better with your kids: give permission for them to be humiliated on prime time television. This may work. Redemption Hill, with its ritual, public emptying of bed pans, its insistence that the kids walk on the red line, its tough love attitude to tough teens just might turn them into "better" people. It wouldn't be hard.

But it's not real, is it? Does having to say "yes, warden" to the bloke running the show mean that they will stop "disrespecting" people once they're back in the real world?

Stopping them talking about "disrespecting" people would be a start, but the warden uses it too, so small chance there.

Giving them things to do might be a start. And how much keener they'll be to do things after having been locked in their cells for a few hours. That seemed pretty basic.

But what happens if the bad kids do something really bad? What are those black-clad guards (did they get them from Destiny Church?) going to do? Are they allowed to beat them with rubber hoses? Set that dog on them? Stick them in a dark hole for weeks on end?

Of course not. They probably have to feed them, too.

They can scare them a bit by showing them the Hanging Yard where prisoners were hanged in the past when this was a real prison. Then they attempt to scare us with spooky, shaky camera angles and music. "The twins," said Warden, "are sensitive to the dead and we'll respect that." What twaddle. The twins, two sulky girls, don't respect their own mother.

"It's stupid, it's pathetic," moan the kids and I'm inclined to agree. Lock 'em up by all means. It might work. They might become valuable members of society. They might.

But what are they doing on the telly? And how much are they going to really hate their parents after their mates have seen them washing out those bed pans?