Specially marked 1.5 litres of blue top Lewis Road Creamery milk are on sale for the next three months to help raise money for Breast Cancer Cure. In bold red, the label reads Breast Milk, then in smaller red writing, it reads: the cows' milk that funds the cure. So far, so edgy and out there, but just another fundraising idea fighting for space in a crowded charity landscape.
Then along came the New Zealand Breastfeeding Authority.
Who even knew such an organisation existed? Doesn't it sound like an austere and joyless politburo staffed by thin-lipped, big bosomed, serge-clad matrons?
The Authority is charged with auditing this country's maternity facilities to be "baby friendly", as part of New Zealand's obligations to the World Health Organisation. That means aggressively pushing breastfeeding as the only option when it comes to caring for your baby.
In 2012, there was a whole lot of hoo-ha when women revealed they were being denied hospital meals and parking passes if they were bottle-feeding their babies and were made to feel like failures and bad mothers by the "breastapo" if they gave up on breastfeeding and went for the bottle.
Just for the record, I loved breastfeeding. But that was me. I was a good producer and I found it easy. There were plenty of other women who didn't and far be it from me to judge.
The New Zealand Breastfeeding Authority doesn't hold with such wishy washy nonsense. To them, the breast is the one true provider of goodness for a baby. There is no way to feed a child other than the breast.
If you're in agony and your baby is howling with hunger, in the minds of the Authority, you just have to stick at it. No backsliding. They will not discuss alternatives - once you even discuss the option of supplementing the breast with a bottle, you are a heretic and must be made to see the error of your ways.
I don't know whether in fact the women running the place are big bosomed, serge-clad and thin-lipped because I only read their comments in the newspaper and heard them on the radio, but I can vouch for the fact that they are austere and joyless. The chief executive, Julie Stufkens, says the initiative is disrespectful to women. She says the Authority fully endorsed breast cancer research but she didn't support mislabelling. She adds that there needs to be respect for human milk.
It's a special product, she says, and not the same as cows' milk.
Well, actually, the two are kind of the same. Both are produced to feed the offspring of mammals and both come from teats, but let's not quibble. The Authority has decreed the breast is sacred and that is that.
It remains to be seen how successful this fundraising initiative proves to be. It has certainly been a success in terms of getting Lewis Road Creamery yet more column inches but, in terms of raising money for the Breast Cancer Cure charity, we'll have to wait until the money is counted at the end of September.
Because for me, the real shocker is that only 20 cents from a $6.10 bottle of milk is going to the trust. Surely, when you're flogging your product at that price, you could be more generous. So much for the milk of human kindness.
• Kerre McIvor is on NewstalkZB, Monday-Thursday 8pm-midnight.
