Is changing your name after marriage a bit antiquated? I definitely used to think so.
People have been taking new surnames in the Western world for centuries. By people, I mean women. Men have never done it. In fact, it's so rare for a man to take his new spouse's surname, that the concept hasn't even warranted a study to uncover statistics on its occurrence. I guess that's why the term "bachelor name" hasn't caught on.
When I married last year, I hyphenated my new husband's surname into my name. I don't use it professionally (at least not yet); it's just for personal use.
Lee Suckling married Jack in Wellington last year.
It's unclear, even to me at this point, whether my name change is completely archaic, or so modern, it's post-modern. I don't know any other gay couples who have changed their surnames, nor are there any male celebs to trend off. Accordingly, it was a deeply personal decision, as I had little to no influence from the outside world.
The core rationale for hyphenating my surname was easy. I wanted my husband and I to appear a family, whenever we saw our names written or heard them spoken. We want to be reminded every day when checking the mailbox that are married. We want to smile when introduced to new people - at least for the first year.
It matters little that my husband didn't hyphenate with me. He went to all-boys schools and is still called by his surname - boarding-house style - and felt uncomfortable about upsetting that. So he has kept his original name, and that still works for us. The on-paper "family" aspect is all we wanted, and only required one name change.
The last major study undertaken on surname changes, published in the Social Behaviour and Personality journal, revealed that people (again, I mean women) are still largely in favour of saying goodbye to maiden names upon marriage. In fact, 82 per cent of 2000s-era women do it. In the decades leading up to 1980, it was 99 per cent (random fact: up until the 20th Century, a woman couldn't buy property or sign contracts under an unmarried name in many Western countries).
We're now in the Age of the Independent Woman (she don't need no man!), and one of the reasons 18 per cent of women don't change their name is because of the career they've built with their birth name. This is a serious drawback against the name change, especially if you've got a public presence, even if just on social media.
For me, this is the reason not to use my new name at work. I have seven years of bylines that I'm afraid would become irrelevant. Not to mention my web presence: I own my own .com, and the logos to go with it. I didn't want to shell out another $2K on new graphic design and URL redirection.
In fact, digital dilemmas are really where modern name changes become most difficult. Upon my name change, I realised how many accounts I have. Not just bank and utilities accounts, but e-mail and social media accounts, and dozens upon dozens of logins for different web services and subscriptions. Some are easy to update - like your Facebook name - others are impossible. Gmail users, beware: you can't change your Google name and you'll be forced to get a new account and e-mail address. Whatever the case, it takes months - if not years - to update them all.
Conversely, the logistics of legally changing your name are simpler than you could imagine. I rocked up to Births, Deaths, and Marriages and filled out a name change form, ready to pay $127.70 and leave with an updated birth certificate. I waited in line pointlessly, as I soon discovered married people are legally entitled to use their spouse's name - or hyphenate it into their existing name - without change by deed poll. All that is required is your marriage certificate when getting a new driver's licence or passport, and you can use your new name at no cost - whether you're male or female.
So, should more men be jumping on the name change bandwagon upon marriage? I argue yes. It has nothing to do with manliness. In fact, changing your name shows how comfortable you are as a man, and how ready you are to cop a bit of flak from your mates - all in the name of love (and maybe retribution for making women do it for centuries).
Name-taking and hyphenating aren't your only options. One straight couple I know doesn't like the idea of the female taking the male's name, or vice versa. So, their solution is quite unique: they're creating a new last name. We're not talking a "Kimye" amalgamation, but rather a brand new name with which they'll start their life together.
I don't advise going this far, because then we'll all end up Princess Consuela Bananahammock. But like everything in marriage, name change should be a compromise. Whether you're a decidedly conventional or truly modern couple, it's up to the two of you to find something that fits.
