Understandably, not everybody is so forthcoming. Each to their own, I suppose. Here's all the questions that make me wince, when asked by someone I've just met.
1. DO YOU HAVE A PARTNER?
Usually asked when you think I'm gay but don't want to offend me by asking. Those who like the word "partner" will use it up-front and agreeably before being asked, those who don't (like me) will let you know our preferred label. I, for one, am proud to say "husband" because we fought long and hard for that right.
2. ARE YOU MARRIED?
It's a bit presumptuous, as if somebody of a certain age should be married, or that just because same-sex couples can get married that they should want to.
3. WHEN DID YOU GET MARRIED?!?
When it's asked in shock, particularly by somebody you haven't seen in years, you get the feeling that they always thought you'd never get married. Or, if you're an LGBT couple, that you're some sort of trailblazing political activist couple.
4. WHAT DOES SHE DO? (FOR A MALE) OR WHAT DOES HE DO? (FOR A FEMALE)
Never suggest that somebody is straight or gay. If someone tells you they're in a relationship, your mind shouldn't immediate go to "heterosexual". It's fine to be interested about someone else's sexual orientation, so just ask, "what does she - or he? - do?" with levity so they feel comfortable and can tell you which applies.
5. DO YOU HAVE/WANT TO HAVE KIDS?
Another societal construct - insinuating that children are everybody's goal. There's also a strange presumption that, particularly because of marriage equality, gay married couples will automatically be chasing a Nuclear Family.
6. WHO'S THE BOY, AND WHO'S THE GIRL?
Whether someone is trying to figure out your power dynamic or the intricacies of your sex life, this question is never okay. We're two men (or two women, for a female couple). That's the point of our relationship.
7. YOU'RE A COUPLE? I THOUGHT YOU WERE BROTHERS/SISTERS
It's said like you should be complimented by the fact your significant other looks like your biological family. Seriously, this is just what two guys, or two girls, looks like.
8. DO YOU WANT TWO BEDS?
This question is asked 50 per cent of the time you check into a hotel with someone of the same sex. It's as if you might have made a mistake by only booking one king-size bed. Rather than making the hotel feel hospitable, it just makes you feel judged.
9. WILL YOU BE MY GAY BEST FRIEND?
I've also had, "will you be my 'gusband'?" from someone I just met, and also, "do you need a surrogate for your 'gaybies'?" To which I thought, "seriously, I don't know you". If you asked anybody else upon meeting them if they'd be your BFF, or have a child with you, they would scramble to the other side of the room. Also, you've just reduced me to a trophy. Thanks for that.
