Lee Suckling: How to move in together without killing your sex life

When you sleep beside someone every single night in your shared bed, a lot of the sense of occasion - quite seriously - flies out of the bedroom door. Photo / Getty Images

When a couple makes a decision to move in together, it's exciting. A shared bed with nowhere else to be. Cooking up a sexy storm in your own kitchen. Maybe you'll even start thinking about a fur-baby or an actual baby.

Yet one thing never seems to improve when you move in with someone: your sex life. When you have your own flats or apartments, not every night is a "together night" so it's easier to get turned on in each other's presence. When you sleep beside someone every single night in your shared bed, a lot of the sense of occasion – quite seriously – flies out of the bedroom door.

This might be because when you're living together, you know you'll have another chance for sex tomorrow. This sort of thinking can take a turn when "tomorrow" turns into "the weekend", then next week, next month, and so on.

Here are three tips for keeping the heat alive when you move in together.

1. Don't hang out in the bedroom

When you're flatting with others, the bedroom is often the only place a couple can have privacy. Not just for sex, but conversations, entertainment like TV-watching, arguments, the lot.

I've found that when you have the luxury of more rooms when you move in together, keeping your bedroom only for sleep and sex is the best way forward.

My spouse and I have no screens in our bedroom – no laptops, iPads, or phones, even for charging (real alarm clocks still exist!). This means we can't get caught up scrolling when we're in bed.

In fact, we never really go into the bedroom unless we're feeling sleepy or sexy. This makes the bed feel special (in one of two ways) rather than seeing it as another piece of furniture.

2. Go out with your friends alone

There's a temptation to invite your significant other to everything you do socially when you live together, as the alternative is leaving them home alone while you're out. Despite how difficult it seems, this is actually a really helpful regular exercise in keeping your sex life alive.

Everyone needs their own friends and experiences, and relationships are made more fun when there's a little bit of time apart. When you get to come back together, you then have communication – verbal and physical – to do.

You're not leaving your partner out when you leave your house without them for a social occasion. You're doing your whole relationship a favour by letting absence make the heart (and the loins) grow fonder.

3. Don't always dress down for home life

When a couple doesn't live together, both partners usually put in a bit of effort before seeing each other. Maybe it's nice a nice t-shirt or a quick wand of mascara, but it's something that gives you a little more self-confidence when you're around someone who you want to feel attraction from.

Moving in together, it's easy to fall into the grey-sweatpant-slump. When you see each other every single day and night, why put in the effort? Shouldn't you just be able to relax at home in total comfort?

For the sake of a happy and regular sex life, I argue no. Don't always dress down in your most comfortable and loose clothing when it's just the two of you.

Without saying a word, I can tell when my spouse is feeling body-confident and he can do the same with me. It is merely noticeable by a little change from the norm; maybe just a good pair of jeans, doing your hair properly, or walking around the house in sexier-than-usual underwear.

It's not difficult or "uncomfortable" to make a little bit of effort – you used to do it every time you saw each other, after all. It gives your live-in partner appreciation for how good you can look, why they want to live with you everyday in the first place, and gives them ideas on how they can show you their appreciation.