Learning new rules on planet fashion

By ALAN PERROTT


"Ooooh," we cooed as the first stunning model tottered onto the runway for Thursday night's Best of Fashion Week show.

"Argghhh," we moaned when the last streak of misery finally exited stage left and a stampede set off cross-legged for the nearest ablution block.

The Air New Zealand-sponsored Fashion Week proved one thing: a bloke's interest in the finer points of sartorial elegance decreases in direct proportion to the state of his bladder.

This finding may be related to another theory still in development - fashion exists in a twisted time zone all of its own. Clearly on planet Couture when an event is set for 6.30pm it is right and proper to expect kick off around 8ish. Give or take.

Like, you know, whatever, but for young players who take more than a passing interest in the bubbly pre-match convivials, this is a recipe for near disaster. Next year, a pair of emergency rubber trousers wouldn't go amiss in those freebie bags.

What we eventually got was a parade made up of cherries from the top of each designer's fashion cake. But why couldn't each of the 46 labels have been announced as they appeared? We only knew it was the turn of james&august because it was written on a model's undies.

Speaking of models, who knew walking could look so damn difficult? Most wore looks of intense concentration, maybe to avoid ending up in a long-limbed granny knot, while judging by their concave slouches, it's a fair guess that the guys in the crowd drooling the most were chiropractors.

Some of the models made strong impressions during the week, and not always on the runway. While not wanting to pander to stereotypes, one young Aussie asked if John Howard was our Prime Minister as well. Another may need extra suitcases after flogging a bag of free goodies from every show she appeared in.

But the issue that had many scratching their chins was the state of men's fashion.

One suit in big checks looked like more fun than a barrel of monkeys, but the tartan jacket/ kilt/ netball skirt? Let's just hope it has a good personality because it ain't going to pull.

And you couldn't help but feel for the guy who struggled with his man-strut while wearing a bog-standard, short-sleeved shirt and slacks. I scoured the programme but couldn't find Warnocks anywhere. Maybe it's just me but short sleeves should be left to Hawaiians and Nasa mission control.


Herald Feature: Fashion Week

Fashion Week photo gallery

NZ Fashion Week - official site