Kiwi woman reveals why she chose to marry herself

At 2.22pm on Tuesday, February 22, 2022, Jessica Vear married herself. Photo / Woman's Day

The Auckland entrepreneur now helps other women do the same.

In an intimate forest ceremony, under a canopy of pine trees, Jessica Vear watched a silver wedding ring slip on to her finger. Clutching heartfelt self-penned vows in her other hand, the entrepreneur wept and said, “I do”.

However, in a special twist, there was no actual partner standing with Jessica at the altar. Instead, at 2.22pm on Tuesday, February 22, 2022, the kimono-wearing bride married herself.

“I chose that date because it included five twos and five twos equals 10, which is all about self-love and self-leadership in numerology,” says Aucklander Jessica, 29, who created and facilitates what she calls “self-devotion ceremonies” under her business Devotional Witch. “I was fully committing to myself.”

When Onehunga-raised Jessica made the decision to have a one-woman wedding two years ago, she was seeking total self-acceptance and also “self-sovereignty” or personal freedom.

Jessica had a gift of reading horoscopes, so she began expanding her knowledge of astrology. Photo / Woman's Day

“I came from a great family, but I was always a big energy and seen as different my whole life, which is partly why I did the self-devotion ceremony, to claim back my difference and be okay with it,” she says.

At 14, Jessica lost her father, a plumber.

“Dad’s passing left a big, gaping hole in my heart,” she says. “I started searching for worthiness and acceptance through the male gaze. It wasn’t until I was about 22 that I realised, ‘I don’t have to be this stuck person anymore. I can be whoever I want.’”

A clairvoyant mentioned to Jessica that she had a gift of reading horoscopes, so she began expanding her knowledge of astrology.

“I’d worked in sales for years, including in London, and had a big role in business development for a waste management company,” she says. “But corporate industry wasn’t for me. It took my heart and soul, and tore me apart. I got super depressed. When I realised I could be whoever I wanted, I chose a crystal-loving hippie!”

She opened online business Moonchild in 2018, selling crystal water bottles she imported. It evolved into astrology and tarot card readings, then eventually, she ended up mentoring.

“Business was just taking off,” she recalls.

But by November 2021, Jessica was struggling – she was in an unhealthy relationship and felt trapped. Her Moonchild Facebook page and website were controlled by her partner, who opened them under his name.

Jessica (right) left her partner and wanted to marry herself. Photo / Woman's Day

“They were the two platforms making money and I couldn’t access them, and he wouldn’t change them into my name,” says Jessica. “It was a heartbreaking decision of either staying in this relationship, which I knew wasn’t right for me, and trying to save Moonchild or taking back my sovereignty.”

Jessica left her partner but returned to the relationship for her business. However, she made another decision – she wanted to marry herself.

“I didn’t know who the hell I was,” admits Jessica. “I told my partner that to love him, I needed to love me first, which he supported. So I created a self-devotion ceremony in front of a mirror to help come back to my heart and soul.”

Her nuptials took place in Auckland’s Riverhead Forest, with dreamcatchers pinned to pine trees and a friend playing crystal sound bowls. A rug was laid for the aisle and cushions were placed for 14 guests, including her mum, sister and grandmother.

A mirror was uncovered at the end of the altar. Photo / Woman's Day

Her celebrant, The Bachelor and The Block NZ contestant Niki Osborne, introduced the excited bride, who was dressed in a green Victoria’s Secret dress sourced from an op shop.

“We uncovered a mirror at the end of the altar so I could see myself,” she says. “I got my friends to pick a crystal out of a bowl to put around me, making a circle of love to say my vows in. I could feel the love for myself building. It opened me up so much, I was crying.”

After saying her vows, which promised to “check in with you to see what you really want before doing something” and “to know how worthy I am”, Jessica looked in the mirror and put on her ring, adorned with an owl and engraved with the word “devotion”.

“Afterwards, we ate delicious cupcakes and sat in this gorgeous space in the forest until it was dark,” she smiles.

A month later, Jessica finally decided to leave her partner, which also meant losing her beloved business. But she promised to grow an even better venture. “It was no longer worth my mental health,” she says.

After experiencing the joy of marrying herself, Jessica wanted to offer it as a service for other women and began running group self-devotion ceremonies. Devotional Witch was born, which sees her working as a “guide and witchy bestie”.

She enthuses: “It was just an incredible moment of my life, and if I can help women to look in a mirror and love their reflection, that’s amazing. Self-devotion is magical.”