"My body is no longer the carcass I've been heaving around for 30 years," Nancy tells Leo. "No. It's now a thing of wonder. A playground of delight as you say."
Older people can be challenged by ageist attitudes and perceptions that shut down their sexual expression. They are stereotyped as non-sexual beings who should not, cannot, and do not want to have sexual relationships. Which is just not true. False expectations for older people also stem from ideals of beauty especially for women because wrinkles are not represented or portrayed in a sexual way in media or advertising.
Nancy's insecurities around her ageing body weren't that different from myself, a mid-30s sexually confident woman. It gave me a wake-up call. I don't want to be worrying or letting body insecurities hinder my pleasure for the next 30 years.
Nearly 70 per cent of adult women report withdrawing from activities because of negative body image. These thoughts can keep us women in our heads and, if we're in our heads, we can't be in our bodies, which is where we must be to feel pleasure.
It's time to decide what we want sexually and explore it. As this movie shows, it's never too late. In their earliest meet-up, Leo asks Nancy: "Why won't you take what you want when it's right here within reach?"
He is what she wants. And yet she wants to end it all.
What becomes glaringly obvious was that she was never allowed to want. It's reflective of women that age not being encouraged, necessarily, to think about what it is they might want. They're too busy thinking about what everyone else needs, or in a sexual situation, perhaps performing, so that the man feels like he's doing a good job. So it's partly about women not thinking that enjoying sex is for them or is important for them.
Leo Grande reflects the struggles of being a woman in a world that constantly and unrelentingly attacks and minimises our pleasure — stigmatising and scandalising it. We get to watch Nancy's messy unravelling that comes with unlearning those societal conditionings.
At the start, she is skittish, clunky and awkward.
But by the end, the look of peace and empowerment Nancy has as she gazes upon her naked body in the final scene is less about how that body looks and more about the permission she's given her body to feel.
In an interview on NPR, Thompson said: "She's seeing her body for the first time as her home." Beauty doesn't come from the outside like we've been led to believe — it radiates out from self-acceptance and love. In fact, real beauty comes from our ability to feel — it comes from pleasure.
For Nancy, it takes most of her life and most of the movie to come. As I was watching the film I noticed I was invested in Nancy having an orgasm. I was also hopeful she would give it to herself — and I was so grateful when she did, because pleasure starts with ourselves. It's a decision. A choice. A surrender. Something we deserve, no matter what the age. And as Nancy says: "Pleasure is a wonderful thing, it's something we should all have."
As a pleasure advocate, I couldn't have said it better myself.
• Morgan Penn is a certified somatic sexologist. She works with individuals and couples to find empowerment through reconnection to their body and sexuality. She is passionate about breaking taboos around sex and pleasure.
