There's a scene in that old nineties film Notting Hill where a group of friends is comparing their sad lives, competing to be the most miserable. Anna, played by Julia Roberts in her glorious prime, wants to make her case and the others, middle-class working boys and girls, scoff.
What on Earth could a famous Hollywood actress, beautiful, rich and well connected, have to complain about? I still remember Roberts' character sitting in the circle telling them she'd been on a diet every day since she was 19, which meant she'd been starving for a decade.
She delivered that line with such particular meaning that it really resonated with me, as I balanced my nut-covered, chocolate-dipped ice cream in one hand and my jumbo-sized box of popcorn in the other.
I had an epiphany. Maybe, just maybe these beautiful, extraordinary goddesses on the screen and in magazines – and now on Instagram – weren't born stunning and stayed that way forever. Maybe, just maybe, they had to work at it.
And then an even more subversive thought came to me – if you have to work that hard to be beautiful, maybe it's just not worth it.
That scene came back to me this week when I read about Jack Dorsey, the boss of Twitter. Sure he's worth billions, but is living his life worth the money?
He revealed that not only does he take a daily ice bath, he has it first thing in the morning. After that, his ritual is to meditate for at least an hour – he likes to go all Zen on it for up to two hours a day.
I suppose, as the boss of the most toxic form of social media, he would need to clear out the crap every day.
After the downloading, he walks the five miles to his office every single day. Rain or shine. Without fail. It's then, he says, that he really feels alive.
And to also show why he and I would never, ever swipe right, he doesn't eat. Well, he eats – but only to fuel himself. Not for any enjoyment or delectation of the senses. He requires one meal of meat and veg per day - and that's when he's working. Friday to Sunday, when he has down time and he's HAVING FUN - he pretty much fasts. Apart from water. Wow.
It makes Mark Wahlberg's much derided daily schedule look like the timetable of an indolent sloth. We're all different. And if Dorsey goes to bed at night, and closes those intense blue peepers and sighs a happy sigh, well good for him. He doesn't appear to have a significant other or children and that might make him happy too. Perhaps his billions bring him joy and instead of counting sheep, he counts stock options.
But I'm very happy being average when I look at the price of being incredibly successful, or rich or beautiful.
Former All Blacks captain Richie McCaw.
When Richie McCaw told me that during his time as All Black captain, he knew where he would be every single hour of every single day of his life for the next 18 months, I could feel my throat constrict and thought I was going to hyperventilate.
Yes, you're the captain of the most amazing sports team in the country with a global presence and extraordinary opportunities – but dear god. What price freedom?
So if, this long weekend, you're woken far too early by over-excited kids, fuelled on Easter eggs, or you wake up next to your lover in all your sleepy eyed, stale-breathed imperfection, ask yourself who you'd rather be. An ascetic loner – worth billions - plunging into his ice bath at 5.30am with the day ahead planned down to the hour? A beautiful rich young actress chain smoking to quell her hunger pangs? Or an ordinary joe, with no plans other than hanging out with the people you love, overdosing on buttery hot cross buns and chocolate caramel? Happy Easter.
