Kalaloo

By EWAN McDONALD for viva

Once upon a time there was a man who owned a cafe in a city far, far away from his own country. Because it was the custom in his culture, the man was always nice to old ladies. Especially one old lady who came into his cafe almost every day.

Running a cafe is hard work. You're up early, preparing the day's food, doing the ordering, keeping the books, doing the cleaning, chasing up the staff who promised they'd be in at 8 and don't turn up because they had a late night with the boyfriend. Oh, and making the coffee and serving the food and cleaning the tables and keeping a close eye on the till and the kitchen and ... The man was tired of the hard work. One day he received a letter that wasn't a bill, but was from a lawyer. He was surprised. He was even more surprised when he opened it and found that the old lady had died and left him all her money. Which was not, even in the currency of the land where he had his cafe, a small amount. Seven figures, the same as a telephone number.

"Now," he thought, "I can stop getting up at 6 in the morning and coming to the cafe and still be here after the sun goes down. I can take a break." So he did.

But after a few months, the man was bored. "What can I do with all this time on my hands?" he wondered. And the answer came to him. He opened another cafe.

Perhaps this is a true story. Perhaps it is a suburban myth. I'm told that it happened in Kingsland, and not very long ago. It would be nice if it were true because it would fit the character of Bruno Sciuto, the rollicking, rumbustuous, raucous, chain-smoking, backslapping, larger-than-life patron of Kalaloo.

Many people think Bruno is Italian - perhaps because of the name, perhaps because his cafe serves mainly pizzas and pastas. Others think it is a gourmet burger cafe because that's what's in the phone book: Kalaloo - Gourmet Burgers and Pizza. So let's clear up a couple of misconceptions.

"My origins are 50/50. My mother was Spanish and my father Sicilian. I was born in Morocco, in Rabat, and I had a French education. "When it comes to burgers, I never had them on the menu. When I changed the business they never made the change in the phone book."

Well, that clears everything up, then.

Bruno's cafe opens at 5.30pm, Tuesday to Saturday. Kingsland is one of the last true inner-city suburbs in the metropolis, a place where people live and catch buses to work and go to dairies and take their kids to parks. It doesn't have a pub. It has Kalaloo and some other ethnic restaurants. Kalaloo is small. If Bruno, who is not small, had a cat he would not be able to swing it.

There are few tables: a large one for eight, who may or may not have met each other before they sat down to eat, some high bar stools, and three on the footpath. Rob and Jenny, the friends who tipped us off about Kalaloo, told us to get there early because he does not take bookings. He does not need to. Within minutes of opening the place is full of locals, familiar to him and one another, and it will stay that way until Bruno closes.

There's a choice of 17 pizzas and .. 13 pastas; a couple of Asian dishes, and some other meals that you won't find at those posh places in Ponsonby Rd, like chicken breast and apricot sauce.

As you read that menu, you appreciate just how much we owe to immigrants like Bruno, people who've broadened our tastes and opened our minds to the joys and subtleties of flavours like goat's cheese or olives or artichokes or chorizo. All of which you'll find piled high on the platters of food that he delivers, with a hug and a belly-laugh and a glass of something red, from the tiny two-person kitchen. It's honest food. It's hearty food.

The real joy of Kalaloo is Bruno. The place is a stage for him. Everyone knows him, everyone loves him. When he's away from the bar, delivering food or chatting to customers, the regulars nip behind the taps and pour themselves a drink or take a can from the fridge. They'll pay later.

This is how a local should be. Leave your inhibitions at home and enjoy yourself.

Don't bother asking for desserts, there aren't any. For those, or coffee, cross the road to another Kingsland institution, Roasted Addiqtion.

We left Kalaloo happy, smiling. How many places have you been to lately where you can say that?

Open: 5.30pm till late, Tuesday to Saturday

Owner: Bruno Sciuto

Food: Pizzas, pastas and more

On the Menu: Kingslander pizza (smoked chicken, onion, mushroom, spinach, sour cream) $16/$22; Fettuccini Isabella (honey mustard, chicken, mushrooms, sundried tomato, capsicum, cream)$16; Scotch fillet steak with pepper or mushrooms or blue vein sauce served with salad and potatoes $25

Vegetarian: Pizzas, pastas, laksa and miso

Wine: Couple of chardonnays and sauv' blancs, a cab sav and a valpolicella. What more do you need for a good night out?

Music: Pop hits

Bottom line: If it were just about the food you might say there is little to distinguish Kalaloo half a hundred other neighbourhood Italian restaurants. But Bruno Sciuto has a great time in his Kingsland café every night, and he's determined that his patrons will too. With huge plates of hearty food and lashings of fun, they do.

* Read more about what's happening in the world of food, wine, fashion and beauty in viva, part of your Herald print edition every Wednesday.