Marc Ellis is pacing his office, cellphone strapped to his ear, talking shop: "Can we have it in black? Is that feasible?" He is wearing a shirt and tie and is using big words. This isn't the man I'd expected, not after watching the first episode of his new TV series, anyway.
In Matthew & Marc's Rocky Road to the Land of the Rising Sun, he and fellow show pony Matthew Ridge engage on a tour of Japan that is part-travel show, part-Jackass. Yes, you see elements of Nippon culture: cuisine, sports, bustling city centres. You also see a lot of bums. Marc and Matthew's, mainly.
Ridge is yet to arrive, but as we take a seat in the office cafe, Ellis' business partner raises an eyebrow and taps his watch, a gesture that confirms there's no rest for the wicked, particularly those who run orange juice and carwash businesses and treat the vocations for which we know them best as side projects.
So it is surprising just how serious Ellis is about his TV show. He is "pissed off" at the timeslot - Tuesday at 10pm is too late, he says. Ridge, however, is pleased it's on then, because it means they kept in the risque bits.
Ellis says they put hours of toil into the show, not only convincing people like the normally reserved sumo wrestlers to get involved but "getting woken up at ridiculous hours" to travel to their next location, putting "110 per cent" into their various stunts and pressing on when exhausted.
He reckons it's not easy, because "once they turn the cameras on, even if you're feeling a bit shitty, you've got to be up".
So it's not just an excuse to go on holiday and be paid for it? "Absolutely," he says, returning to his trademark cheek. "It's fantastic. We have a brilliant time, we get to do all these things we've always wanted to and hopefully it translates into good television."
It isn't the first time they've done it, of course. In last year's Marc & Matthew's Rocky Road to Athens, the sports-mad pair travelled around Europe competing in sports in which we were not represented at the Olympics.
Sports fans will be used to them on Game of Two Halves, and Ellis on Sports Cafe. They also braved the reality-TV beast that is Celebrity Treasure Island. And now we're getting more of M&M, butt cheeks and all. Overexposed, lads?
"That was a catch-cry early in the piece when we were playing sport but I think the viewership will dictate whether we're overexposed or not."
This time around not much has changed, other than the switcheroo of the names in the title. The next series is in Rio, where they play soccer with the locals and dress up in "all sorts of stupid bloody outfits" to go dancing.
But compared with the Athens trip, more is at stake - chiefly, their dignity.
This time, the loser must fulfil whatever punishment the victor dishes out, whether it's chomping down five cloves of garlic in Japan or donning a gimp suit and heading to a gay bar at the Rio Carnival.
"Most of it was done sober but there are one or two scenes where people may get the inclination that we've had a rather large evening," says Ellis. "There are definitely some seedy bits. We're typical of any two guys who are mates and I think we portray that image. We just do what two normal friends would do. Our weakness is that we can't act.
"We're constantly embarrassed. Part of what we understand is that New Zealand likes to see us embarrassed."
The trip was not without its glitches. During a boozy night in Rio, Ellis cracked his back on a urinal while wrestling with a friend who he insists should not have been wearing a jockstrap socially.
"I thought that was inappropriate so I physically removed it and as it came free I fell back on to the porcelain."
At this, Ellis heads off to his business meeting, leaving Ridge to answer the hard questions. Like, what are two 30-something guys doing running around Asia and South American in their underwear? "I was saying that before," Ridge sighs. "Geez, I'm 36, Marc's 33. But I don't feel 36 so it doesn't worry me."
Did they fight? Get sick of each other? Never, he says, although there were a couple of moments when their tempers flared.
"We've always had a competitive edge, so we'll always want to compete. One day, I started winding him up and he was losing it. In 10 years I've never seen him lose his cool. He strolled up and smashed me as hard as he could in the arm - it was a real confrontation.
"And I got shitty one time when we were playing soccer. When I lost, he was running around the stadium, like, 'Ooooh'. I spat the dummy and walked off and he came to give me a hug and I was like, [expletive] off.
"But then I found out later he'd been cheating. Bastard. In a competitive situation we'll walk over each other to win. But we never argue. He's a special lad."
Just Nippon out for a bit, okay?
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