Amber Heard testifying in the Fairfax County Circuit Courthouse after ex-husband Johnny Depp sued her for libel. Photo / AP, File
Amber Heard testifying in the Fairfax County Circuit Courthouse after ex-husband Johnny Depp sued her for libel. Photo / AP, File
OPINION
Is it okay for us to kick people while they're down? Is it okay to judge from afar? Is it okay to bash the bully?
Regardless of what any of us thinks about Amber Heard and what she said about Johnny Depp during the recent trial; regardless of whoabused whom and how and when: and regardless of the "truth", she is a person. Let's not forget that.
She might seem like a not very nice person, but she might also be a person experiencing mental illness, personality disorder and emotional distress. A person, like any of us, who does not deserve the level of hate, mockery and rejection she is continuing to receive on social media.
Heard may be a bully. She may even be an abuser. We don't have to like that. But to make and share comments and memes and videos that vilify and demean her is, in turn, an act of bullying.
She may be contending with personality disorders, as alleged by forensic psychologist Dr Shannon Curry in her testimony during the trial. Personality disorders are characterised by lifelong, rigid patterns of thinking and behaviour that can generate considerable emotional distress and limitations to relationships and functioning. Are we happy to publicly shame and humiliate people with this kind of significant life challenge?
Johnny Depp at the Fairfax County Circuit Courthouse in Fairfax, Virginia during the trial of his ex-wife Amber Heard. Photo / AP, File
It's easy to dismiss, cancel or degrade people who experience personality disorders and other mental health conditions because some of them are hard to empathise with or even like. We don't have to support or accept their behaviour. But to try to tear them to shreds, to treat them as objects of disdain is, surely, excessive, brutal and paints us as unkind.
It is possible for people with personality disorders or mental health challenges to learn new ways of being, new ways of seeing the world and relating to others – if, in fact, they are aware there is an issue. But it's not an easy road, as any mental health professional will tell you. As many people living with these issues will tell you.
Heard is likely to be very vulnerable, regardless of whether or not she is the aggressor. There is a high risk of self-harm and suicidality among those experiencing personality disorders, and this may include her, whether she has a personality disorder or not. All the online hate is likely to be making it worse.
Often, personality disorders originate in trauma and adverse childhood experiences, and we don't know what Heard might have been through. This is not to excuse her behaviour, but it might give us a sense that she is unduly suffering.
Even if Heard isn't struggling with personality disorders and mental health issues, even if she's just a vindictive and cruel person who has behaved very badly, is it still okay to bully her? What is it teaching our kids? That when someone does something we don't like we tear them down, that we take no mercy?
As children, we're taught that two wrongs don't make a right. That we don't kick someone while they're down. That online bullying is not okay. Does this not apply to adults too?
I'm tempted to say I don't like Heard or how she's behaved, but I don't know her. I wasn't there. All I've seen is what's been going on in the courtroom during a sensationalised and very public dirty laundry airing. I don't know enough.
Chris Lorigan. Photo / Supplied
But Depp was vindicated. So we weigh in on Amber Heard now? Where's the compassion for another human being who seems to be not coping?
The majority appear to have sided with Depp and, in doing so, are demonising Heard. Even if she was the abuser and the liar, why are we okay with destroying her now? Maybe she needs help instead.
This is, in my view, part of the perennial stigmatising of people experiencing mental ill-health. We seem, as a society, to see people as different or difficult or weak and we turn away or we judge. We don't understand borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, OCD, chronic depression or severe anxiety, and so we generate stereotypes and prejudices. Essentially, we ostracise. Or we don't ensure enough support is available. And it has to stop or this country's mental health crisis will worsen.
If we see, every day on Instagram and Facebook and TikTok, the world being so incredibly nasty to other people, then where is the hope for inclusion and compassion and healing?
Humans are complex and troubled and, surely, worthy of our empathy. If not that, then can't we at least leave her alone?
• Chris Lorigan is an Auckland-based psychotherapist.
