Men will often ask how another how they are and would be quite receptive to an honest response. Photo / 123rf
Men will often ask how another how they are and would be quite receptive to an honest response. Photo / 123rf
Opinion
COMMENT
If you're male and don't spend time on your birthday or New Year's Eve or at any other time of the year thinking about your mental health, then do it today, because it's International Men's Day.
And men, we need to do some thinking. One in eight men willexperience depression in their lifetime. Some may have a one-off episode of depression lasting up to a few months, and then never experience it again. Others will experience depression periodically through their life. That's likely to be four from your class at school. If you played rugby, depression will hit two from your team. Maybe it's you.
The incidence of depression is similar for women, but how men react is totally different. Men are much less likely to seek help. And alarmingly across all age groups men drink to more hazardous levels, smoke more and take more risks. Going to the extreme, the Movember Foundation tell us that 75 per cent of suicides are men.
Personal resilience is part of the answer. To cope with life's pressures, we need to be comfortable with who we are and courageous in our outlook on life.
Charlie Dalton - the teenage son of Silver Fern netballer Tania Dalton (who tragically passed away two years ago) knows a thing or two about resilience. Charlie recently performed a rap to an audience of 500 on coping with adversity. Sometimes life through the eyes of a young man can provide valuable reminders for those of us much older - "every single day we go up to someone and we say hey… how are you today? They all say good thanks. But are they really okay?"
Charlie is right. Staying quiet and relying on inner strength (resilience) alone is not enough. NZ men need to do a better job of looking outwards and reaching out to family and friends.
UK research by the Mental Health Foundation revealed that two out of three men had at some point in the last year felt overwhelmed and unable to cope. Yet very few (one in four) who felt that crushing stress had discussed it with a family member or friend. Why so few?
Robert Dunne, chief executive of the Movember Foundation says three quarters of men know that talking openly is an effective way of tackling problems, yet too many don't.
Some worry raising mental health will impact their job, others don't know how to broach the topic. Yet talking, along with exercise and diet, are the most powerful – and simple – ways for men and women to improve their health. Talking requires us, or a friend, to take the lead.
In the past 12 months, I have been at both ends of the spectrum. At one extreme, worn down by work pressures and worrying about the health of someone close, a mate could see my anxiety. He put his arm on my shoulder and said "just remember, this will pass John". I opened up and am eternally grateful that a mate lifted the weight off my shoulders.
At the other extreme I also heard a mate reply to "how are ya" with an "I'm okay" when he'd normally be full of life. Sensing he wasn't "okay" I asked him for a coffee - he really needed to talk. Having started the conversation, I felt like a real mate.
John Berry. Photo / supplied
Back to Charlie Dalton. In his rap he urges us "so the next time someone asks how are you, don't be polite, tell them how you really are because adversity is the hardest time of your life and trust me you are not alone. We are all in this together."
Maybe right now you're feeling inner pain and know your resilience is wearing down. Or maybe you can sense a colleague, family member or friend is feeling that way. Whichever one you are, reach out and start talking. That way you'll be a real mate.
• John Berry is a board member of Men's Health Trust NZ. He is also CEO of the CareSaver KiwiSaver Scheme which is supporting the Movember Foundation
If you are worried about your or someone else's mental health, the best place to get help is your GP or local mental health provider. However, if you or someone else is in danger or endangering others, call police immediately on 111.
