Jingle Bells at the Maidment Studio

By SUSAN BUDD

Christmas starts earlier every year, so put out the tinsel and fairy lights - it is almost upon us.

Backstage rivalry among a singing and dancing group of wannabe stars as they prepare to audition for Christmas in the Park 2001 is the subject of Jingle Bells, which is not only that merry Yuletide song but the title of the group.

The three chicks who, as the poster says, "guarantee crackling cackles" are an embodiment of the adage that blood is thicker than water. Tinni Apa, Miricle Paka and Masima Pepa are cousins bound by ties of blood rather than friendship.

With such close knowledge of each other's past transgressions and foibles, insults sizzle spectacularly and plunge deep. Signs of affection are usually occasions for manipulation when offensive remarks have failed to gain their object. It is all good, rough fun.

Miricle, played by Dianna Fuemana with humour and soul, is the heart of the group. Failing in her individual audition, she opts for collective action.

But Tinni is strong competition for the role of leader of the pack. Goretti Chadwick, whose smile is as big as her sneer, is mistress of the one-line putdown but jelly in the presence of her mother, who constantly rubs salt into the wound caused by Masima's crowning as Miss Samoa.

Masima is somewhat intellectually challenged, with a primary-school taste for scatological humour - but she is thin, pretty and a fantastic dancer. Christina Bristow has no lapses of good taste but powers into the role of dumb broad with gusto.

In a style owing something to the Naked Samoans, they are often very funny, but they lack the guys' satiric edge.

The politically incorrect jokes, as always, are the best and they don't shirk from laughing at masturbation, lesbianism and every variant of racism.

The plot is not strong enough, however, to shape and carry the show. Their singing and dancing has energy, but lacks five-star quality - so it is inevitable that even in a very bad year they will not make the park.