But why is that? And what other patterns can be seen when it comes to quitting a relationship for good?
Several large-scale studies show women initiate break-ups more often than men. They are also more likely to end a relationship over emotional infidelity. For men it's the reverse: they are more likely to end things over sexual infidelity.
Like it or not, evolutionary biological theory seems to provide a logical answers for this. If women are hardwired to seek a mate who will protect and resource her young, there is very little tolerance for signs his attention is elsewhere, even if it hasn't been sexually consummated.
Men, on the other hand, are (arguably) hardwired to avoid at all costs raising a child who may not be their DNA. If 'their' woman has been bed hopping/sharing someone else's DNA then out she goes.
In terms of coping mechanisms, women overwhelmingly lean on their social support networks to discuss and debrief over what went wrong. This is a social norm, whereas a man expressing his hurt to mates - while totally recommended - happens far less.
Men are more likely to act in a self-destructive fashion in an attempt to avoid the anger and pain. This can lead to a sense of numbness and loss of focus, resulting in a far slower recovery.
You may also find what experts have dubbed "the excessive Tinder stage" - characterised by an early search for a new mate/distraction.
Let's be clear, though: it's not a competition. Broken hearts' hurt, regardless of gender.
Anthropologist Helen Fisher has even suggested that our brains make us feel anger and hurt so we can more easily see our ex as awful, and remove them more effectively from our thoughts.
Brain chemistry still plays certain tunes and our reactions stem from this.
Don't try to fight the feelings - it's normal to feel lethargic, angry, crestfallen, or plain old grief. But do take note of a few ways you can speed your recovery along:
• Remember you are hardwired by evolution to survive this painful time. Millions are going through the same thing as you right now.
• Accept that grief will come in waves. It's okay to feel like you're getting over it one day, then wake up despondent the next.
• Ignore social media or unfollow your ex. Every tiny thing you see about their new life will make you feel bad (and is also likely a false front on their part anyway).
• Talk it out. Find friends or a professional - or both - to explore your thoughts and feelings and support you through this tough time. This will help you gain perspective, too.
• Your ex is likely to be dealing with the break-up in a very different way from you. It doesn't mean you meant any less to him/her. Everybody is different.
• Get outside. Nature has been proven to soothe in time of distress, so go for long walks by the sea, look up at the stars at night, and remember you are just a blip in the universe. Things are fine.
• Look at what you can learn about yourself and others, rather than being overwhelmed by blame. See this as one step closer to being in the relationship that is right for you. It wasn't this one, despite what you first thought.
• If you are feeling stuck in grief, then get expert help. They know how to pull you out of this.
- nzherald.co.nz
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