Jana enlisted an expert to help her decipher her date's behaviour. Photo / Instagram
Jana enlisted an expert to help her decipher her date's behaviour. Photo / Instagram
OPINION:
I am mortified. Yes, as I type this I am literally cringing. Dating is not always cocktails and flirting my friends. Oh no. It can be horrible miscommunication, blind dates from hell and body language that leaves you thinking, WTF?
Which is exactly what I was thinking earlier today until a text put everything into perspective.
You see, in a bid to get over a bloke who is just sadly never going to be "my person" I decided to jump back on the dating app to find someone who could be.
I lined up three dates in one week. First one was a little dull, but to be fair I think that was on me. Never decide to go on a date after a very BIG party the night before. I was barely in the room.
Second date was interesting, but I didn't get a real spark.
Third date however … well I thought it was perfect. We met for a drink on a sunny Sunday afternoon. Then moved on to dinner and cocktails at a nearby wine bar.
The banter was good, the wine was flowing and the laughter was steady. We had a cheeky kiss at the end and then I told him I'd better be off as I had a busy morning the following day.
On cloud nine, I text a couple of girlfriends saying, "Finally a great date," and was chuffed when he followed up with the suggestion of another date the following weekend. Great!
We locked in Friday, and he suggested he cook me dinner at my place. Well first of all, my kitchen has not seen much action … well … ever. I don't even think I own a frypan. And secondly, I was really enjoying the idea of going on proper dates in the real-world post-lockdown, so I suggested we go to a bar or restaurant.
He kept saying things like, "I can't have a big night" and "I've got training early the next morning."
So I shamelessly asked my Kinda Sorta Dating podcast guest, dating expert (and popular TikTok personality) Jacob Lucas for his opinion on this bloke. Now Jacob has studied the art of reading body language – and so he took me through all the subtle signs that guys do during a date that signify that he is into you.
I rejoiced in the fact that yes, the bloke seemed to be doing some of the subtle things, like constantly fixing his hair and mirroring my body language.
However, when I asked Jacob why the guy wanted the second date to be at my house and not at a bar or restaurant he put it to me very bluntly.
"The guy wants to sleep with you. 'I'll cook you dinner' dates are always code for, 'I want to get you in the sack as soon as possible,'" said Jacob.
Now listen, I wasn't oblivious to this fact, but as someone who quite likes living in denial, I held hope to the fact that perhaps he was just a good cook. Oh, Jana.
The morning of our agreed date, I sent him a message saying: "Hey I feel like going out tonight! Why don't we go out for dinner instead?"
What then followed was a back-and-forth exchange where he kept trying to come to my house, and I was like, "Noooo let's go for Mexican."
A screenshot of Jana's Bumble profile showed she'd ticked that she was looking for something casual. Photo / Supplied
He eventually said: "Hey, what exactly are you looking for on this dating app?" and I told him that I was looking to go on some fun dates. It was then … cringe … that he sent me a screenshot.
Yep. It turns out that on my dating profile I had ticked the wrong box. To the question, "What are you looking for" instead of ticking "a relationship" I had ticked "something casual".
May I remind you I went on THREE dates last week. And each bloke thought they were in for a good time at the end of the night.
Dying.
As I sat there mortified, it dawned on me that these dates had been a little bit different to my usual kinda dates.
The first bloke put a lot of winks in his initial messages. The second bloke had stayed for two drinks and then suggested "we get out of here" to which I hugged him and said goodbye, oblivious to the fact that he was saying, 'Let's get out of here … together.' And the third bloke … well he just held the course and figured it would happen on the second date. Bless.
Now don't get me wrong, I have no issue with anyone who is after something casual – go enjoy yourselves.
However, as someone who has finally made up their mind about what they want – a relationship – I can't be wasting my time, or to be fair, these poor blokes' time, with casual encounters.
Note to self: Check, and then double check what you write on the dating apps. Gaaaah.
