There’s a hot new sex trend that promises the world but Jana Hocking calls BS, saying it’s 'a pile of rubbish'.
OPINION:
Now I like to think I’m fairly open minded, perhaps even “woke” enough to try anything if it guarantees a healthy and wealthy life.
I’ve tried the bland celery diet for healthy skin, I’ve downed shots of horrifically acidic apple cider vinegar in an attempt to detox my insides, heck, I’ve even climbed a mountain at 5am to watch the sunrise in a bid to find my inner Zen.
But there is a new very unsexy trend promising us all the elixir to life that I think is an absolute pile of rubbish!
It involves literally crossing your legs, shutting up shop, putting a closed sign on your nether regions and saying too-da-loo to your sex life.
Yes, in a bid to find spirituality, harmony and a clear mind, people are turning to abstinence, celibacy.
I know, I know, how truly awful.
And it’s not just the actual act of sex that’s outlawed, oh no, it even includes … wait for it … masturbation. Yep, put those fingers away, they aren’t welcome anywhere south of the border.
It’s taking me back to my horny teenage years when my strict Christian high school convinced me that I would be going to the deep, dark, fiery pits of hell at the mere thought of a little self-pleasure.
“I’m so sorry God” I would think to myself as I let my mind wander to Brad Pitt’s muscly biceps in Legends of the Fall.
This celibacy trend is spruiking the idea that sex gets in the way of a meaningful life. It clouds our judgment and stops us making clear and well-thought-out decisions.
Like, ooh, you better not give yourself an orgasm, it might make you quit your job! Oh stop. **insert the world’s biggest eye roll here.
And what annoys me most about this trend is that it is a million steps backwards in terms of how far we had come towards sexual positivity.
From showing men’s dongs in TV shows (as seen in White Lotus), talking openly and honestly with our friends about what turns us on, exploring new ways of conducting our relationships, whether that be an open relationship, trying a threesome or guiding your partner to the correct O-spot.
Instead, we’re now being told to put all sexual joy away and shut up shop.
This new celibacy trend is a form of sex negativity that some people claim has “changed their lives”. Take a scroll on TikTok and you will be inundated with people ranting on about how they’ve discovered clearer mental clarity and have enough energy to fuel a speedboat.
Well, what good is all that energy if you can’t put it towards something fun, I say!
And while “health gurus” are spruiking the idea of abstinence as a form of self-help, I believe it is closer to self-avoidance.
The only times I haven’t been able to conjure sexual urges is when I’ve been deeply tired and on the verge of burnout. If I’m not feeling a tad randy, it’s usually a sign that my health needs a bit of a check-up. Not a sign that I’m mentally prospering.
Now, there’s the argument that people choose to be abstinent because their sex drive is causing issues in their everyday life, and in the spirit of keeping an open mind, I can see how that is a fair call.
But rather than burying your head in the sand, avoiding all feelings and simply going “right, well I’ll just never have sex again”, may I suggest therapy instead?
That way you are actually addressing the problem rather than just avoiding it and hoping it will go away. Therapists are marvellous people, can’t rate them highly enough.
If you are just in need of a good life reset, I personally find that tools like meditation, exercise and plenty of sleep sure do wonders, while still being able to enjoy a healthy sex life.
In fact, I would say some of my best mental clarity has come after a good romp in the hay. I specifically remember rocking up to work a few months ago on an absolute high because I had the most wonderful morning “wake-up”. Things that would normally stress me out went unnoticed because I was basking in a post-coital glow.
So let’s scrap this ridiculous idea of abstinence and aim to find a healthy balance. Perhaps it’s not sex you need to avoid, just sex with the wrong people. Let’s put more focus on that!
- Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends.
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