Jana Hocking wants a partner in crime in her love life. Photo / Instagram
Jana Hocking wants a partner in crime in her love life. Photo / Instagram
Have you ever seen a dragon fruit? It’s a magnificent looking member of the fruit salad. On the outside it’s a pink oval with green scales. Inside it has white flesh with tiny black seeds. It is by far the prettiest of all the fruits.
Now why the heck am I talking about dragon fruit I hear you pondering. Well, it’s a new dating term I’ve come up with to explain a recent dilemma I, and many others, have faced.
You see, the one thing you should know about a dragon fruit is, while they look pretty darn gorgeous, when you take a bite they are actually horrifically bland. Yep, you could really give them a miss when it comes time to fill the shopping basket.
So when I found myself in lockdown last year with the option to secure myself a ‘bubble buddy’ for the looooong, cold, lonely nights, I made the mistake of choosing a dragon fruit.
Let me explain, he was ridiculously hot. Broad shoulders, big rugby player’s body, and a masculine face. But take a metaphorical bite into his personality, and I found him to be just a little bit ‘blah’.
The man I chose to share a blanket with ‘post-dragon fruit man’ was vastly different. He was a tad older, a tad shorter, and had very little interest in the gym. But good lord could he keep my attention.
He had a deep voice and used it to discuss fascinating topics.
Originally, I thought we would just be friends, but the more I delved into his personality, the more attractive he became to me.
I found myself wanting to impress him, and the more he opened up about his life, the more I wanted to know about it. He was an adventurer who had dipped his toe into various careers, travel and literature.
The way his eyes sparkled when he was talking excitedly about a topic made me want to whip my top off and jump straight into bed with him.
Dragon fruit look gorgeous on the outside, but inside they're a bit bland. Photo / Getty
My friends thought I was completely bonkers for neglecting the handsome dragon fruit, but I was quietly chuffed (and relieved) to discover that it took more than some rippling biceps to make me swoon.
Yes, dear readers, it turns out I’m actually quite deep. Huh … who knew?
Now, don’t think that I escape the ‘dragon fruit’ label either. You see, for seven years I worked for a breakfast radio show.
My alarm went off at 3.45am every weekday morning. Looking back, it was a completely bonkers way to live, and I feel like I spent most of it walking around with a constant feeling of jet lag. Spritely in the morning, but completely tired and useless in the evening.
Did I choose to put my dating life on hiatus while I navigated sleeping patterns? Nope. I still plodded along to dates half asleep and attempted some form of flirty banter. Sure, I knew how to whack on a cute dress, brush my hair and pop on some makeup, but on the inside, I was a complete dragon fruit - tired and boring.
Both men and women can end up being a 'dragon fruit,' says Jana Hocking. Photo / Instagram @janahocking
I’m ashamed to say I once even fell asleep while a bloke was really going for it on my downstairs region. I still cringe when I think of him waking me up and asking, “Really?”
So while it’s fairly easy to be a dragon fruit, you know with the Botox, gym and all that jazz, I think it’s still so important to make sure we’re working just as hard on our personality.
Because as Oscar Wilde said, “It’s beauty that captures your attention; personality that captures your heart.” And ain’t that the darn truth.
I don’t want to be sitting in my rocking chair next to a Botoxed babe in my ‘80s, attempting to keep up appearances. I want a partner in crime that I’ve really lived a life with. Someone who has made me laugh at inappropriate moments, and shared ridiculous adventures with.
I guess that’s why therapists and love gurus always advise us to go on more than just one date with someone. Turns out beauty really is more than skin deep.
Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends.
