He was reflecting on what a "traditional" relationship is, and why we need to delete it from our brains.
"We've all internalised values around a traditional path towards relationships. Meet – spark – date – relationship – move in – marriage – and children.
"Feel free to be the creator of your own relational stories. Break the rules and cultivate a relationship trajectory that works best for you."
I mentally did a fist pump in the air and thought: "Death to traditional relationships!"
Mostly because the thought of my dating timeline fitting into any kind of conformed structure puts me to sleep, and also because it gets rid of the pressure on the singletons among us who feel like they are "lacking" in any sense if they haven't followed this well-trodden path of "meet, date, marriage, babies, death". Blah blah blah.
The quote stuck with me for quite a while and I had a good ol' ponder about all my friends who are in relationships. I realised that barely any of them followed the traditional path to luurve.
In fact, two of my friends got together in the midst of an affair and, scandal aside, praise be that they did because they truly are soulmates. (You can direct your hate mail to @jana_hocking …)
Sure, you mention the word "affair" and it sends a shiver up the spine of any mere mortal, but sometimes life … fate … whatever you want to call it, works in mysterious ways. Both were in loveless marriages and trust me when I say there is far more to the story.
Another friend went on her first trip overseas with me a couple of years ago. She hails from a small country town and married young. As soon as we hopped off the plane in London, it was like her whole world opened up. She experienced a cosmopolitan city that never sleeps, culture that she was eager to know more about, and people who thought differently from those she had hung out with at home.
Little did I know that trip would change her forever. She ended up coming home, ending her marriage – because he was perfectly happy living in their small town, and she was now feeling claustrophobic – hopping on the first plane back to London, and is now happily unmarried to the love of her life with two children living in London. (Yes, living very happily in sin).
Sure, those two examples are extreme, but then you have the couples who appear "traditional" on the outside, but are far from so. One of my best friends just had a child with a wonderful man who was sadly widowed in his late twenties, she is now also stepmum to his first daughter.
They are perfect together, but in a traditional sense, their family is outside the norm.
So what exactly is normal these days? Because I am struggling to find a couple who fit the criteria. And you know what … isn't life glorious without the definition!
Go forth and take up every opportunity love throws at you, because it sure makes for an interesting biography.
• Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends
