Jana Hocking was threatened by a man when he didn't get his way. Photo / Instagram @janahocking
OPINION:
Unless you were hiding under a rock this week, you would have read about an article published on Psychology Today titled The Rise of Lonely, Single Men.
It was written by psychologist Greg Matos and revealed that dating opportunities for heterosexual men are diminishing as relationship standards rise.
The psychologist explained that women are now only dating men who share the same values, have great communication skills and are emotionally available. Praise the lord!
Toxic blokes are out, respectful studs are in.
Now first of all, may we get out our violins and play a sad melody for the blokes who have treated women like absolute rubbish and then realised that they're now single and alone. How unfair for these poor creatures.
You see, while they were bed hopping, ghosting, breadcrumbing and doing all sort of mind f***ery to us women folk, we were quietly, and subtly embracing this "self love" culture that started to emerge in TED Talks, TikTok videos, YouTube channels, and various other online forms.
Oprah preached: "If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think 'it will get better'. You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better."
We all had one of her famous "light bulb moments".
If you dig into the archives you will find old articles from women's magazines that would teach women various ways to "please their husbands".
We now have a laugh and go "thank god times have changed" but if you dig deep, you will find there is a strong undercurrent of misogyny still haunting today's dating scene.
I fell out with a male friend a year or so ago when I tried to play matchmaker for him. Sadly I had to gently let him down after the woman he desired politely declined. His response was to tell me: "It's a blessing in disguise because she was far too old anyway, I want kids."
She was seven years younger than him. *sigh*
He's just one example of "lonely, single men".
A while ago I was dating a bloke and we both set fairly healthy boundaries early in the relationship. He consistently broke mine, and when I finally built up the courage to VERY firmly tell him to choof off, he had a proper tantrum.
Over the next week I was inundated with text messages telling me I was "nasty", to never contact him again, why was I not responding (?!) and finally that I "had made a very powerful enemy".
Yep, when I refused to back down, he then turned to threats. *eye roll*.
Then there was the very distant family member who once cornered me at a party to give me some unwanted advice on why I'm still single.
As I tried to explain to him that I am very happy with the life I have set up for myself, and still enjoy intimacy (probably more than he does in his loveless marriage), he barked on and on about how I have to lower my standards, and settle.
When I finally exclaimed, "BUT I DON'T WANT TO!" It's like his head exploded. The idea of a woman feeling totally capable by herself … outrageous.
In Matos' article he states: "I hear recurring dating themes from women between the ages of 25 and 45: They prefer men who are emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values."
And from my experience, it's true.
Gone are the days we laughed off the boys who pushed us in the playground because they secretly had a crush on us. We're not interested in being teased because you want attention, we expect you to just simply tell us.
And trust me, as someone who was notoriously "anxious avoidant" and would rather dump a bloke then show any form of vulnerability, I know it can be tough!
But you know what, I did the work. I went to a therapist, I learned the tools to build my emotional intelligence, and I put them into practice. So, yes, you may be a "lonely single man" but you don't HAVE to be.
Now, of course I have to add the disclaimer that I'm not talking about all men. I've been blessed with two brothers who are thoughtful, caring and treat women as equals. Both are in thriving relationships.
So to the lonely single men out there I say, perhaps it's time for a little self-reflection. With a few tweaks, you could find yourself in the modern age, where we are all equal, and life is good.
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