This “rebellious” trend has couples shunning all the rules – and it could improve your love life, says Jana Hocking.
This “rebellious” trend has couples shunning all the rules – and it could improve your love life, says Jana Hocking.
OPINION:
On January 2, I woke with a fuzzy head and some brilliant flashbacks to my New Year’s Day antics.
I chose to have a very quiet New Year’s Eve and attend a very raucous and ridiculously fun party at a fancy bar on New Year’s Day instead. The ticket price was rather outrageous, but I felt like celebrating the start of a brand spankin’ new year properly, so I treated myself. YOLO and all that jazz …
Now jump forward to the following day and I’m nursing a whopping big hangover. As I lazed about in bed, pondering how to spend my day (Spoiler alert: It consisted of a massive Netflix binge and two Uber Eats orders) I had a rather nice thought. Isn’t it great not having to share my bed, or house with someone today?
No having a shower out of courtesy for another person. No squabbling over what to binge, and then settling for something only one of us actually wants to watch. No need to make conversation. Heaven.
I could literally be a lazy slob all day and there was no judgment. Had a significant other been there, I would have had to consider someone else’s needs for the day, and let’s be honest, that takes the fun out of a hangover. Am I right?
You see, they too adore their alone time, and have rebelliously chosen to ignore the societal rule that says you must live with your partner after a significant courting period. Nope – instead they’ve mapped out a perfect life together … yet apart.
I was intrigued dear reader, intrigued. You see, one of the many reasons I’ve been fighting the whole “jump into a relationship” thing is because I adore my own space. I love being a social butterfly, but then I love going to my nice apartment that I get to decorate with gorgeous pastel colours – like a dusty pink bedspread, lavender towels, burnt orange rug (you get the picture, it’s a very feminine apartment) – and recharge my batteries.
So imagine my happy surprise, when, after a bit of investigating, it turns out a new trend called “LAT” which stands for “living apart together” is really picking up speed.
It turns out many couples are now choosing to have serious, long-term relationships while living apart, and the benefits are hard to deny.
You get to extend your honeymoon period, date nights remain an important part of your relationship, there are fewer fights over keeping the toilet seat down, in fact, each other’s toilet habits will forever remain a mystery. (Huzza!) Oh, and you get to keep the magic alive, because you are genuinely happy when you get to see each other.
Living apart together keeps some mystery in your relationship – particularly the mystery of your partner’s toilet habits. Photo / Instagram
How glorious to know that on days when work has been hectic and you just want to go home, pour a glass of wine, hop in the bath and talk to no one for a good couple of hours, you can do just that.
Or if you do need to vent, you can call your partner up and have a good rant before hopping into bed for a solid eight hours of uninterrupted sleep. No snoring. No Dutch oven from your partner’s midnight fart, and no sharing the bed with a starfish.
Now sure, there is the argument that it’s cheaper to live together, but as someone who lives by themselves on a single income, I would much rather forgo the larger house for a smaller apartment on my own and keep the romance (and my sanity) intact.
It seems America is leading the way in this new trend, with the most recent census finding that 3.89 million people in the US were choosing to live apart from their spouses – a figure which has grown by a third since the pandemic.
There are also some famous couples who can’t speak highly enough for it, including British actress Helena Bonham Carter who lived next door to her partner director Tim Burton for their 13-year relationship.
She said their relationship was enhanced by knowing they had their own personal space to retreat to. They even managed to bring up two kids in that living situation. Fabulous.
Gwyneth Paltrow chose to do the same for her first couple of years of marriage with husband Brad Falchuch.
“I think it certainly helps with preserving mystery and also preserving the idea that this person has their own life,” she said.
I’m not saying it’s for everyone, I’m sure it’s also very normal to want to cohabit, but for those of us who adore our alone time, it’s a mighty good option and one I will definitely be partaking in.
Oh, don’t you just love destroying the societal rules placed in front of us, and choose to live a life you enjoy instead!
Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends.
