There's one habit that we're all guilty of - and it's killing our sex lives. But there's an easy solution, says Jana Hocking. Photo / Instagram
There's one habit that we're all guilty of - and it's killing our sex lives. But there's an easy solution, says Jana Hocking. Photo / Instagram
OPINION:
There's nothing like the topic of porn to really spark people's interest, and last week when I pondered whether it was affecting our sex lives in a detrimental way I was inundated with stories from many of you, revealing that yes, it really does.
First of all, thanks for always being so open and honest in my Instagram DMs, I love that you know I will never judge you. Secondly, I was honestly astounded by the vast majority of people who have been affected by their porn habits.
There was a woman who revealed she was cancelling dates because she found it more enjoyable to stay in with her new pleasure "toy" and a couple of saucy videos. Then there were many guys that revealed that they've had to take a break from Pornhub after realising that they'd lost interest in their IRL partners because of it.
So I decided to dig further. Is it just porn getting in the way of our sex lives or is it the digital landscape in general? I first pondered this when I found myself on a date with a guy who was in the middle of an important business deal. Every time we sparked up conversation, he would have to stop and respond to an important email straight away. Safe to say, it was really killing the vibe!
Then there was the time I was dating a guy fairly regularly and we both just got in the habit of waking up and scrolling Instagram. Umm, aren't mornings spent waking up next to each other meant to be for a bit of disco doona action. Once again, really killing the vibe.
Jana Hocking wonders if all things digital are killing our libidos. Photo / Instagram
So I've decided to implement a new rule into my love/sex life: in the early stages of a newbie relationship I'm going to do a digital detox.
What's a digital detox you say? Well, it's a specific amount of time a person refrains from using their electronic devices such as smartphones.
Yep, from now on, if I'm on a date my phone stays in my bag. Or if I'm having a "special sleep over" my phone stays in the next room.
And I'm even going one step further. I won't follow my love/lust interest on any of the socials for at least a month, because think about it, there's always that little pang of anxiety you get when you see them out and about with someone who you're not quite sure if it's a sister or date.
In the early days it's impossible to have the full context of a social media post. Like, who is that hot chic liking all his pics? Could be his cousin for all I know, but my "jump-to-conclusions" brain tends to decide that it's someone else he is also dating.
Who needs the stress?
Jana is going to start all new relationships with a digital detox. Photo / Instagram
Thankfully there is even research to back up the idea that a digital detox can really help eliminate stress and improve your relationship with others. One study, published in Cyberpsychology Behaviour and Social Networking and conducted by researchers at the University of Bath, found that a week-long social media break not only plays a significant role in alleviating an individual's mental health condition, but also frees up a lot of time in their schedule.
Add to that the idea of at least putting your phone out of sight during dates and intimate time, and I reckon you could find your love life really begin to thrive.
Another study really outlined the benefits of a digital detox, stating that participants found that they felt calmer, more secure, improved sleeping patterns, and, most importantly, a huge jump in their libido.
So why not get of the grid for a while, and give it a go. Your sex drive will really thank you for it.
