Jana Hocking is no longer following The Rules and is ready for hardballing. Photo / Instagram
Jana Hocking is no longer following The Rules and is ready for hardballing. Photo / Instagram
OPINION:
There's a new dating trend taking over that's making me feel two things. One … very old … and two … scared to give it a go, as I fear it may come across as aggressive.
It's called "hardballing" and my guest on this week's Kinda Sorta Dating podcast, director of relationship science at Hinge, Logan Ury, explains what it is: "Hardballing is a new dating term that means someone is being clear about their expectations of a relationship, whether you want a serious long-term partnership or a casual fling."
Essentially it means you will no longer waste your time on people who aren't looking for a relationship. Yep, you put your cards on the table from the start.
Now as someone who has been known to actively partake in the "games" that come with dating, this seems all too straightforward and confronting to me.
In the early 2000s when I was in high school and trying to figure out how to get a bloke's attention, I read with much enthusiasm a book called The Rules. It sold more than 20 million copies and was lapped up by single broads.
Anyone just starting their foray into the single world would be genuinely shocked by some of its "guidance", but back in my day (yes, I am aware of how old that sounds) it was like a dating bible.
One of the two writers claimed that "The Rules" were created by her grandma back in 1917 and worked a treat for her. Yep, she was flocked by marriage proposals.
I mean, who DOESN'T want a bunch of blokes to go gaga over them? I couldn't get enough.
Spoiler alert: It's just a bunch of rules on how to play hard to get. Games, glorious games.
It included such highlights such as:
• Don't talk to a man first, and don't ask him to dance.
• Don't meet him halfway, or go Dutch on a date. – He must pick you up and pay the entire bill.
• Never call him and rarely return his calls – apparently, men love the chase.
• Always end phone calls first, and don't speak for longer than 10 minutes.
• Don't overwhelm him with your career highlights, let him shine.
Oh sigh.
Jana Hocking has been learning about the new dating trend 'hardballing'.
Old me thought this was a never-fail method of attracting a boyfriend. Jump forward a couple of years and I guess it's really no surprise to find out I'm still single.
Happily, I can report that times have changed. And by changed … I mean … a lot!
So how do you hardball someone without scaring them off? Logan said you need to let them know during your first conversation that you've really been putting a lot of thought into what you want in your life at the moment in terms of a relationship, and ask whether they are looking for the same thing.
They may tell you that they are just looking for something casual, or they may tell you they are actually looking for their special someone as well. It's straight to the point and will help avoid any tricky "what are we" confusion later down the track.
And if a conversation like that does scare them off, well then clearly, they weren't for you anyway. Count it as a blessing.
Now that all sounds quite heavenly because, let's be honest, how many hours have we wasted on the phone to our friends trying to decipher a confusing text? Or questioning why it's been days of no contact since you "oopsy daisy" slept with them on the first date. Side note: no shame in first date naked shenanigans. We've all got hormones!
So moving forward into 2022, I'm going to step outside of my comfort zone and give this dating trend a red hot crack, because it sure beats playing games and using other slightly toxic methods to snag a fella.
These woke Gen Z's are really upping the ante when it comes to healthy dating, and I am very much here for it! Time to leave the "games" in the 90s where they belong.
• Jana Hocking is a podcaster and collector of kind-of-boyfriends
