IVF: How to tell your child they were conceived through fertility treatment

When can you start talking to your child about IVF?

Around 3% of New Zealanders are conceived through IVF annually, and if you’re a parent of an IVF-conceived child, you may be wondering how to talk to them about their conception.

The latest information from ANZARD (Australian and New Zealand Assisted Reproduction Database) shows that in Aotearoa there are around 2000 births per year via IVF, which indicates that tens of thousands of New Zealanders have been conceived from IVF.

Here are some tips to help you approach the topic with your IVF-conceived child or your future tamariki.

Here's how to talk to your child about IVF. Photo / 123rf

Why is it important to talk about IVF?

Talking about your child’s IVF story openly creates an important foundation of transparency and trust.

Because children are naturally curious, they’ll likely have questions about where they came from. Talking about these questions early can prevent feelings of confusion and can help your child feel more secure and valued within your whānau.

Emphasising that IVF is part of what made it possible for them to be here also allows children to appreciate their own unique story. This can boost self-esteem, helping them to understand that everyone is different and that diversity is something to be celebrated.

When should you talk to your child about IVF?

The earlier you start talking to your child about their conception, the more straightforward and stress-free it can be. It’s all about getting the timing and the language right.

When they’re very young, your explanation can be as simple as saying, “A doctor helped us create a tiny seed, and that’s how you began.”

Once they get a bit older, you can introduce more detailed information that’s appropriate for their age and maturity level.

It’s important to revisit the topic on a regular basis as your child grows. This is because the story of their conception will develop over time in their minds, and they’ll likely have questions as they start to understand more about how they came to be.

Expect all emotions

Children’s reactions can vary depending on their personality and age. That’s why our Repromed counsellors emphasise the importance of letting your tamariki lead the way and set the pace for what they’re ready to hear and when.

Whatever feelings they express, make sure they understand that it’s okay to feel however they do about their origin story. Let them know that you’re always there for any questions they might have if they’d like to talk more about it.

Resources and support that can help

The good news is that there are plenty of fantastic resources out there that can help you explain IVF to your child.

Children’s books are great at explaining tough concepts in a way that’s fun and easy to understand, and they provide a strong visual aid for you and your child.

For those who have already conceived children with IVF, our counselling team at Repromed recommends these books:

● The Pea That Was Me. An IVF Story, by Kimberly Kluger-Bell

● Robo Babies, Love Builds A Family, by Sarah Gallagher

● What Makes a Baby, by Corey Silverberg

You’re absolutely not alone when it comes to considering how IVF treatment may impact your whanau. Repromed.co.nz has a helpful library of resources and fertilitynz.org.nz offers a range of free information and support for anyone facing fertility challenges.